IELTS writing task 2: Punishing children at an early age, agree or disagree?

I need help to check errors and identify the band score.

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

Early education is the key to develop the future characteristics of children that help them decide what shall they do or not. Some people argue that applying punishment will help the young to behave better. From my perspective, I will discuss rationales behind this viewpoint before showing why I disapprove this claim. Also, I will provide the efficiency punishment methods to educate the young for both parents and teachers.

First and foremost, punishment somehow can shape the behaviors of naughty children. Due to strict rules such as applying detention, there are some cases that the young may resist to their parents when being heavily controlled. According to many mental researchers, shouting or even wore, doing physical damage to the young will worsen their health as well as emotion that follow them until they become adults. Furthermore, children learning at nursery schools will not able to understand the speak from adults. They will mimic the actions like adults to behave.

Besides, it must be acknowledged that there are many efficient solutions to educate the young at an early age through punishment. One of them is that applying detention with explains will help the early children understand why they should not do wrong things such as taking toys from friends. Moreover, using "candy and stick" technique is one of the best methods to teach children. They will try to avoid doing negative things in order to achieve the rewards as soon as possible.

To summarize, educating the young by punishment must be applied in appropriate ways. A combination of many methods can help children change their mind effectively.

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Your essay response format is incorrect. The prompt paraphrase and response to the direct questions have altered the response and discussion topics for the essay. Compare the following:

Original Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.
Your Topic: Early education is the key to develop the future characteristics of children that help them decide what shall they do or not.

You are including information not found in the original prompt. This statement, which is a personal opinion unsupported by original data, altered the discussion topic to a slight extent.

Discussion Question 1: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Response 1: From my perspective, I will discuss rationales behind this viewpoint before showing why I disapprove this claim.

Where is the thesis statement giving the extent of your response to the question? You have changed the discussion target for the first question at this point.

Discussion question 2: What sort of punishment should parent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
Response 2: I will provide the efficiency punishment methods to educate the young for both parents and teachers.
You have not provided a direct response to the question that will help support your opinion. Your overall paraphrasing does not follow the correct format based on the original prompt requirements. Therefore, the TA score will not be helpful in terms of you getting a passing score with this presentation.

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