Punishing murderers with death penalty vs life in prison - IELTS Task 2

Hi everyone! I need all of you to give me some advice on my writing. Thank you in advance!

death penalty for the killers

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.
To what extent do yo agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people said that it is great to throw the killers into the jail than give the death law. Personally, I support the idea that the killers must spend their life in prison, however, I would also argue that death penalty is the best punishment for the killers.

There are several reasons why I believe that murderers must life in jail. Firstly, some murderers are still in underage between 13 and 17 years old. Lots of consideration is conducted by the legal institution to get the fair punishment for them. In this case, sending into the prison with predetermined time will be more suitable for underage murderers rather than death penalty. This will be more acceptable for the murder's relatives as well.

In addition, the killers still have hopes and dreams which can be realized after the prison penalty is ended. They can arrange their future plans and pursue their dreams for the next chapter of life. Therefore, the death penalty will destroy their future goals at the same time.

By contrast, it is true that let the killers still alive will be a threat for society. To illustrate, some news reported that the former killers commit a murder case after they are released from prison. It will be endangered for the human's life if the death punishment is not applied. Besides, the death penalty will eliminate the individual's desire to become a criminal. The number of crimes can be increased as long as the death law still be implemented for the murderers.

To conclude, while send to the jail is a good decision, I agree that death penalty can be considered as the punishment for the killers.

Hi, your thesis "Personally, I support the idea ..." is confusing. Maybe rephrase it to "Personally, I support the idea that killers should be sentenced to life in prison; however, I do recognize that there are certain cases where the death penalty is the better punishment for murderers."

For the rest of your essay, you don't really answer the question because you're using an example of people who will eventually be released from prison. The essay prompt explicitly states people who will never be released. So saying things such as "In addition, the killers still have [...] the next chapter of life." is irrelevant for this essay.

The question is asking you actually the opposite of what you're saying. The question is essential:
Which is better? Living in a prison for the rest of your life and watching your dreams and goals disappear? or the death penalty?

In terms of your grammar, there are a few misplaced words here and there. Also, you should review your tenses. For example "Some people say that it is ..."

Annatha, you are using a template response for this essay. I have seen you use this format for responding to other essay questions in this forum. Unfortunately, the template response would cause you to fail this test because of your failure to accomplish the Task Accuracy requirements of the essay. The discussion question is given in the prompt, so are the possible responses, along with the response presentation requirement. You failed to present any of these aspects properly.

Original Prompt: To what extent do yo agree or disagree with this statement?
Your Response: Personally, I support the idea that the killers must spend their life in prison, however, I would also argue that death penalty is the best punishment for the killers.

Proper Response: I partially support the idea life in prison is the best punishment for murderers due to a couple of factors.

The missing aspect in your response was a proper consideration of the prompt topic and the method of discussion. Where is the "extent" of your support for the statement? The "extent" is the measurement of your agreement or disagreement with the given discussion topic. While your reasoning paragraphs support your POV, it is not aligned with the required POV of the original prompt. Therefore, points will be deducted for this mistake. Along with other scoring bracket mistakes, it will be difficult for you to get close to or even a passing score at this point.

Do not use template responses. Learn what the Task 2 questions are, how it is presented, and how you should respond to it in the prompt paraphrase. The Task 2 essay cannot use cookie cutter or a template for your response. That is the surefire way to fail the test.

Hi. As two people have cited out your primary mistakes in this essay, so I'm going to just remind you to pay heeds next time.

Just some suggestions:
You should not divide your body part into 3 different paragraphs. Why? Because you literally made your essay more incoherent and clumsy at this point. 2 discursive body paragraph is adequate in most IELTS essays. (except the discuss both views and give your opinion question).

In addition, your concluding paragraph is still incomplete according to me as it has only one sentence and it does not fully summarize anything at all. You better work on it more carefully next time, and in my opinion, the conclusion should contain 2 sentences at least.

Some mistakes in your essay:
why I believe that murderers must life in jail => should receive life prison sentence.
more suitable for underage juvenile murderers ...
It will be endangered jeopardize for the human's life the society
The number of crimes can be... this sentence does not make sense as you read it. Maybe you mean " As long as the death penalty does not come into effect, the percentage of people committing crimes will continue to increase."