punishment is needed but...
Telling right and wrong is one of important things that children must have to know on the early age. On the way in teaching difference, one useful mean is punishing them.
I believe that punishment works on forbidding little boys and girls from doing wrong. After decision they made, people could realize that is a false if punishment follow with it. From that on, painful experience become a reminder to themselves, and stop them to do it again.
Violence is one kind of familiar and widespread choice in penalization. Even it comes with a significant effect, a reflection will company with that children will copy violent behaviour. For example, person who born in family which has domestic violence problem has high possibilities becoming aggressive in school, like hurting other classmates.
Consequence from actions they made is a good lesson to kids. How to penalize would influence person's personality in future. Therefore, teens need to understand the consequence if someone behave same thing to them on their own. Like criticizing on somebody only by his or her outlook, parent or teacher can force children to be on a side which reluctantly receiving criticization they said before. First, they might feel uncomfortable about the words, then be sad that no one wants to know they really are and turn to be unconfident. After all, adult should tell them the reason why they been punished and why they did is unacceptable.
In other words, punishment is needed for teach distinction, although, we need to choose better methods to execute penalization.
Gina, the lack of original prompt reference in this essay has made it extremely difficult for me to review your essay. Your title does not tell me anything substantial that I can use to review your content. The content, which, at this point, is highly confusing and lacking on all coherence and cohesiveness fronts. This essay is extremely weak in presentation. You show a lack of basic English sentence structure knowledge and you also lack a grasp of simple English vocabulary, which makes the essay even more troublesome to read.
The opening paragraph is not very good because it does not properly explain to the reader what the original discussion topic is, the reason the topic is being discussed, and what the discussion instruction is. The opening statement that you wrote only covers 2 of the required elements for presentation, which makes it incomplete. I am not sure how violence works into this essay but I believe that you were mistaken in using that term. The other form of punishment is "corporal punishment" which includes spanking. That is not exactly considered violent. Your use of the term "violence" makes it seem like there are catastrophic punishments being meted to children. I wish I had the original prompt to compare this discussion toy. I want to know if you are exaggerating your terms or if you are simply not using the correct descriptive terms.
Your closing statement does not follow the proper format for a closing paragraph. It also does not appropriately summarize the discussion you presented. So the concluding statement is not going to help increase your score at this point.
Please remember to present the original prompt along with your essay next time so that you can get a more definitive review and advice for your next essay. For this essay, I can only go this far in terms of advising you due to the missing prompt requirements.