Is it necessary to punish the kids?
Someone believe that discipline it is needed to help them determine the perception of good and bad at youngster. I totally disagree with this opinion because punishment leads to the shy in communicating and bad behavior of children in the future.
The main reason why I feel that children should not be punished is because this will harm the confidence of them. As youngsters are always in nerve when they want to try some new things, they tend to close their lives. Gradually, they do not have interest in communicating with others. To illustrate, I used to be punished for dropping soup when I was eating too fast, then I felt scary when I see that food again. Luckily, that feeling was overcome but I still remember it until now.
Another reason why I do not support the notion that punishing children is necessary is due to the fact that abused children are very easy to have negative thought. That bad thinking is accumulated gradually by time will be exploded at a crisis moment, and in the worst case it may cause murder. I cannot count how many cases that the killer had a very bad childhood because of serious hurt.
In conclusion, I completely disagree that it is necessary for children to be punished. Not only making feel shy and unconfident in doing anything and communicating but also compressing the negative emotion in their mind, then leading to bad situations. Given this situation, it seems that in order to teach children the good and bad, parents should be patient and try to analyze the mistake when they make it.
You need to recheck your grammar before uploading to forum. For instance, you can double check the style and avoid word repetition.
These are the basic mistakes you need to consider:
- Someone believes that discipline it is needed to ... and bad at the youngster
- The main reason ... is because this will harm ... ( The conjunction Because is the wrong word choice after reason is
- ... not have an interest in ...
- ...,they tend to close their lives. ( they tend to be self-contained)
There are many other errors, you find and correct yourself
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 You need to upload the complete discussion prompt next time. I am unclear as to the whole discussion instruction provided. There is a topic presentation and a discussion presentation, but the reasoning basis for your discussion is missing. Why do some people think punishment is the only way to teach children right from wrong? It is that reasoning basis that is missing from your prompt paraphrase presentation. That is also the reason why your restatement and response can be deemed incomplete and not fully addressing the task. Without the reasoning statement, this paragraph is under developed and not fully explained. That is why that paragraph is short by another 2-3 sentences.
The prompt reasoning topic is one of the major topics that should be discussed in your reasoning paragraphs. Since you did not present that in the paraphrasing and you did not provide the original prompt, I am not sure if you were able to address the main discussion point in the essay. While delivering your personal opinions are acceptable, you must also make sure that the main reasoning topic is connected to your reasoning somehow. That helps bring further clarity and coherence to the discussion you are presenting.
Due to the missing element in this discussion, I cannot begin to properly analyze the response, the discussion, and the opinion you have provided. I am particularly concerned because you gave a simple disagreement in the paraphrase, but then gave an extent response in your concluding statement. That means you either made a mistake in the overall presentation or you did not understand how to properly format the essay. Either way, it cannot be good for your score.
