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Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them - IELTS essay


Yiliang Chen 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2014   #1
Title: Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ( Could you help me to check it, and if it is possible, give me a mark. Thank you!!!)

When committing a crime, anyone, no matter who he or she is, should be penalized by legislation and then prisoned for a certain time. This is a widespread phenomenon in most countries for the sake of upholding an ordered society. The policy, however, is not advocated as an efficient method to curb crimes.

One of negative outcomes is that the operation of jails needs to be funded by revenues mainly because it is non-profit organization, while it also causes financial burden or even deficit to some extent. When released, criminals rather revenge society, not in terms of burgling, but more seriously, in murdering and trafficking. What governments should consider is how to combat this situation in root.

It is argued that those who fall into the victims of criminals either sustain domestic violence in their childhood or are lack of formal education in their adolescence. By contrast, when practiced by relevant training, parents prefer to create a harmonious atmosphere in family rather than spark conflicts. Children in this circumstance tend to be more friendly, which lays a sold foundation for them receive moral education and then distinguish between virtues and evils in the middle school, avoiding juvenile delinquency.

Of course, there is no denying the jail is an indispensable department in which justice can be guaranteed and sufferers can acquire certain compensations. To maintain a stable society, capital punishment still exists in many countries. But overall, all of these merely happen behind offenses.

Overall, education and job training are more advisable than direct punishment to prevent offspring from going astray. When sent to prisons, offenders also should receive further education to avert recommitting the same mistakes.

Alix 1 / 2  
Nov 21, 2014   #2
You forgot to mention, what exactly are you asked to write?
Alix 1 / 2  
Nov 21, 2014   #3
I have this suggestions and comments:
...When committing a crime, anyone, no matter who he or she is, should be penalized by legislation and then prisoned for a certain time [I don't think any offender should be prisoned, it depends on the crime].

...When released, criminals rather revenge society, not in terms of burgling, but more seriously [criminals tend to commit more serious crimes like murdering or trafficking drugs -I don't think they revenge on society]...

...those who fall into the victims of criminals either sustain domestic violence in their childhood or are lack of formal education in their adolescence [I don't understand this sentence, it appears as if you said that victims come from broken homes]

...when practiced by relevant training [parents are not trained, they are educated -at home, life and school-]
...lays a sold [solid]
...Of course, there is no denying the jail is an indispensable department [that jail is...]
... But overall, all of these merely happen behind offenses [I don't understand]
Overall, education and job training [In conclusion, I believe...]
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Nov 22, 2014   #4
Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Identifying the part of question to avoid out of topic:
Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them(first opinion).Instead, education and job training should be offered.(second opinion)

To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (task)
Topic: crime
Narrowing down/restrictions: prison is not an effective way, education and job training
Task: agree or disagree
Focus question: is prison not an effective way for criminals?
Yes - brainstorm idea about why prison is not an effective way to punish criminals
No - brainstorm idea about why education and job training are the viable ways?


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