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IELTS: Question about the influence of the media coverage of celebrities

Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 10, 2014   #1
Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today, celebrities appear to become a spotlight of the mass media. Almost half of the news coverage on television and the Internet is devoted to the celebrity gossip. Not surprisingly, many people are worried that this attention to the famous people has an impact on them, especially on their children. This essay will compare both negative and positive consequences of this effect on infants.

Fame is a great responsibility for public people as their admirers are very sensitive to any acts of their idols. Celebrity scandals and gossips can quickly reach the public which perceive it very negatively. This means that celebrities who received attention for overuse of drugs or alcohol are likely to get public disgrace. Therefore, children may see that this behavior is inexcusable.

On the other hand, too much news coverage to famous people seems to have a negative influence on the choice of children of their future professions. As recent surveys showed, inspired by the fame and wealth, children now prefer more to become an actor/actress or a sports star than it was in the past. Many schools for preparation of so-called stars and various advertisements about famous people may mislead with the fact that this profession is highly required and easy reachable. This may confuse children who should not choose their future job because of the influence of the mass media, but from the basis of their own interests.

In conclusion, parents should be more worried about their children's attitudes to the 'cult of celebrity'. They should teach their children how to distinguish shortcoming stars from truly talented ones and to put right priorities in life.
here2study 6 / 14  
Apr 10, 2014   #2

Your overall vocabulary is good, and essay structure is also good. In my suggestion, it would be a better if you choose either to support the statement or to oppose it.

Follow dumi's formula..it will really help you..
impatient101 8 / 17 3  
Apr 10, 2014   #3
This essay will compare both negative and positive consequences of this effect on infants

In this essay, I will compare both the positive and negative consequences of media coverage on children. Do not say infants here as toddlers or very small babies are called infants. Instead use kids or children. Also, try to give examples after defining a consequence. t makes your essay better.
here2study 6 / 14  
Apr 10, 2014   #4
In conclusion, This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:

The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...
Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 11, 2014   #5
overall your writing is good. But you need to give example in the bodies, so it would be clearly and complete .
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 11, 2014   #6
Your body paras need specific examples to support your reasons.
OP Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 11, 2014   #7
Thank you very much)
ARe there any other essay structures? If yes, can you show it? Thanks)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 11, 2014   #8
Well, the structures that I and Pahan have already suggested to you in our previous comments are the best I can think of for this task. They contain all necessary features for you to earn a good score. Also, when you practice according that flow, you will be able to handle time effectively at the exam. You have to bear in mind that time is the most critical factor when answering these tasks :)

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