Could anyone give a feedback? I would write IELTS academic exam soon time.
Topic: Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea?
Telecom and web-technologies have been grown displacing old-fashioned ways. In my point of view, broadcasting is becoming to disappear because many people surround televisions and different computer devices.
Firstly, telecommunications and the internet provide larger opportunity than radio stations. For instance, there are lots of information in TV and websites that easy to assimilate. On the other side, radio is more difficult to use because people have to be more concentrated because they can only listening to radio.
Secondly, people can listen broadcast stations on the special websites and even listen to it for a particular time. Also, TV watchers have a possibility to choose programs, show a movies in order to manage their time.
Furthermore, people have already used other ways so as to avoid radio. For instance, people can listening to the podcasts and chat with each or get a feedback from services.
Finally, I think TV and web industry will be more popular rather than radio. The point is that it much easier and convenient to listen choosing personal preferences.
Use stronger words rather than, "broadcasting is becoming to disappear." That almost is confusing. Maybe Broadcasting is almost nonexistent
I'm not too big on consecutive intros like Firstly and secondly. Try using just one and not all of them.
Change telecommunications to telecommunication
Change larger opportunities to more
For instance, there are
lots (try a powerful word) of information inon TV and websites that are easy to assimilate.
In addition to having consecutive intro's, you have A LOT of intros in general. I think you should slow down on those.
On the other
sidehand , radio is more difficult to use because people have to be more concentrate d becausesince they can only listen ing to radio.
Your paper needs some work. I'd suggest just rereading it and making sure it makes sense out LOUD
P.S you should return the favor
I am confused with your essay..
Doubted about the word strength..because most para includes 2-3 sentances only.
You need to work harder.
Broadcasting is included Television know...?
Other media gives the opportunity of audio visual effect.
In the conclsion para, i feel it is better to use to conclude, or in conclution..instead of using finally.
Read more essays..
Best of luck..
Please exclude spelling mistakes as i am using Mobile
Telecom and web-technologies have been grown displacing old-fashioned ways. I
.... the most appropriate word is "replacing" and not "displacing".
broadcasting is becoming to disappear because many people surround televisions and different computer devices.... broadcasting is likely to disappear soon because the preferences of people have taken a drastic shift from the radio to television and other computer based devices.
You have good ideas, but you need to pay lots of attention to grammar.