Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS TASK1 the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand



ilankelo21 36 / 40  
Feb 3, 2016   #1
A breakdown of information about the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand in two different years, both 2003 and 2013 is presented in the pie chart. Overall, while film or music showed by far the most significant increase, the reverse was witnessed in the cloth figure.

To begin, there was a remarkable rise in film online sales. Though it was less favored in 2003, lower than the sale of travel, it experienced the significant rise by 12% in ten years later. Furthermore, book retail which was initially the lowest figure, it interestingly showed a slight incline to 22% in the following 10 years.

In contrast, the data of travel and clothes experienced a considerable decline over the period. The travel sales initially stood at 36%, accounted for by far the most favorite retail among others in 2003, but in the 10 years to come, it showed a converse trend by declining to 29%. Next, the figure of clothes had similar trend with the former, standing as the second highest pace in 2003, yet this experienced considerable decrease by 8%, making it the lowest figure in 2013.


  • 12645206_12096296657.jpg


dynaranjani 27 / 24  
Feb 3, 2016   #2
Though it was less favored in 2003, lower than the sale of travel, it experienced the significant rise by 12% in ten years later.
Well.. actually I'm not really sure whether you can use 'THOUGH' or not in the formal writing but as far as I'm concerned that word is normally used in journalism or conversation. I would suggest you to avoid using it. If you have already witnessed someone used it in their ILETS writing and the examiners didn't take it as a problem, then the decision is in your hand

...but in the 10 years to come LATER,...

GOOD JOB! KEEP UP YOUR HARD WORK, BRO !


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 the rate of online sales for several retail sectors in New Zealand
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳