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Reading newspapers and books online - CAM 15 | Test 2 | Writing Task 2

Phamhatrang 1 / 2  
Jul 8, 2020   #1
Hello everyone, this is my first attempt to do the IELTS writing task 2 and I would be appreciated if you guys can give me feedbacks and the possible band score.

Topic: In the future, nobody will buy printed newspaper or books because they will be able to to read everything they want online without paying.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is believed that in the future, the number of printed newspapers and books will decrease because people will have the ability to read everything needed online without spending any expense. While there are some arguments in favor of reading newspapers or books, I totally agree with the view that they should be replaced by another advanced reading method, specifically, the internet.

There is no doubt that the internet is getting more and more recognition these days, it is used for numerous purposes, in which reading news and books online is a very common one. With the support of the internet, people will have access to read everything they want anywhere and anytime for free, resulting in saving more time and money. For example, due to the extremely busy schedule, an entrepreneur does not have plenty of time to carry newspapers or books along with him to read them. Therefore, using a smartphone or a laptop having an internet connection is an ideal way for him to update the information about the stock market around the world on BBC's website, or to comprehend the latest marketing trends in order to make the upcoming advertising campaign more appealing.

In addition, the internet provides authorities opportunities to protect the environment. The main reason for this is that once people have done their reading on newspapers and books, they may throw them away which requires a huge effort from the government in recycling them. Moreover, the smaller number of hard copied of newspapers and books, the lower number of trees cut down around the world. As a result, the global ecological system will be improved significantly.

In conclusion, the advantages of reading newspapers and books online outweigh the disadvantages of it. Thus, I strongly agree with this point of view.
(297 words)
ththao_99 5 / 10 4  
Jul 8, 2020   #2
Hi! I have some suggestions for you. Hope that they're helpful:
- I don't think that you should you the word "ability to read" because ability refers to something intrinsic rather than a choice (in this case it is choice between paper books and digital books)

- I think your example in paragraph 2 is irrational. Carrying a books or newspaper doesn't related to time-consuming reason. It is just heavy to carry and take more space and or not portable like smartphones

- The second main idea is supposed to be " Reading books and newspaper online averts environmental pollution" not "the internet"
OP Phamhatrang 1 / 2  
Jul 9, 2020   #3
thank you so much for your feedback :D
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,662 4753  
Jul 9, 2020   #4
This is a good start. For a first timer, I could sense the effort that you placed in developing your reasoning paragraphs. You also did your best to paraphrase the original prompt. While you did a good job with the paraphrase, you did not change enough of the original words in the presentation so that you would be seen as using your own words in the restatement of the prompt. You need to build your English vocabulary in this case. Only when you learn to use alternative words will you be able to present the original prompt in your own words. That will help you increase your TA and LR scores.

Both reasoning paragraphs are acceptable but could use more work on cohesion and discussion development. Try not to use too many topics or examples in the paragraphs as these create presentations that require more explanation development. In fact, your second reasoning paragraph is less developed than the first. That is because you rushed the second example that you gave, using very little presentation development which would have helped create a clearer paragraph presentation.

The concluding paragraph suddenly changed into an A/D representation, which was not the way that the original prompt instructed you to discuss this topic. You failed to properly summarize the discussion topic starting with the original topic, the reason for the discussion, your opinion, and the basis of your opinion. So the concluding paragraph doesn't deliver the required information and format. Do not insert any information that may change the direction of the discussion or instruction format. That type of error can result in penalties for your paper in an actual test.

It would be better if I do not score your work for now. It is important that I learn your writing style and abilities before I start grading you. It would be better if I start scoring you on your next essay rather than this one. That way you can show me any improvements you may have made to your writing style by then.
OP Phamhatrang 1 / 2  
Jul 10, 2020   #5
Thank you so much for your feedbacks

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