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In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology.


Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Jun 16, 2016   #1
The advance of technology makes human lives more convinient. To what extent do you agree or disagree!

Answer :

In the recent time, every business conducted by humans is easier because of technology. It is agreed as the sophisticated tools provide citizens a way to communicate in long distance and makes information more accessable.

The main reason why cutting-edge convinient public things is to destruction the divider of distance and time. This leads to people who lived in long distance relationship can look at each other just with smartphone screen. Taking my own activity as an example. I must submit my essays everyday to my lecture by e-mail because he has been studying in different countries from me. Before he used smartphone, I submitted my essays with international shipping and courier delivery services. Although this gadget facilitates us to communicate, it will create new crime if the person abuses its functions.

Another reason is to give easiness to access information. When something happen in the countries, people in different countries can know that information in the same time. For the example is google application. All of people in the world can use this from their smartphones or laptops and they can get all information fast. Even if people benefited from these tools, lack of rules and controls make children able to access something that not appropriate for them and creates a cyber crime.

To sum up, one of causes obvious crimes is sophisticated tools. I more believe advance devices make your life easier and provide accessable information to every single person. It is imperative that government should make the rules and controls about the advance of technology.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 16, 2016   #2
Hi Meireza, it's been a while since your last writing practice. I think you've been busy learning the other parts of IELTS (reading and listening). I can see that your writing needs to be improved. I hope my feedback below will be helpful towards your writing development.

1st paragraph:
- It is agreed asthatthe sophisticated tools provide citizens a way to communicate in long distance communication and makes information more accessableaccessible .

2nd paragraph:
- The main reason why cutting-edge is much moreconvinientconvenient to public things is because to destruction the dividerit destructsof distance and time. (but I am not sure destruct is the appropriate word for this one)

- This leadsmakesto people who lived inhave a long distance relationship can look at each other just withsee each other through their smartphone screens.

- Taking my own activity as an example, (should be comma not period)(be careful of fragment! it will dangerously damage your score)
- ...he has beenis studying in a different countriescountryfrom me . (using "has been" should be followed by a time signal)
- Before he usedusing smartphone,...
- I submitted my essays withvia/through international shipping and courier delivery services. (delivery service has already used courier. it will be redundant if you put it again there)

- it will create newtrigger a crime... (crime is not something that can be created, crime is a bad-action that is triggered by a/some reason(s))

As seen, only 2 weeks writing absence has a tremendous influence towards your writing. I hope to see your improvements soon. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 16, 2016   #3
Hi Meireza, below are my suggestions with the focus on the last two paragraphs of the essay;

- Another reason is to give easinessease to
- When something happens in
- theother countries,
- people in different countriesthe other side of the world
- canwill know
- thatthe information inat the same time.
- For theAn example is google application.
- All of pP eople inall over the - can get all the information fast.

- To sum up, one of the causes is very - obvious, crimes isuse this as sophisticated tools.
- I more believe in advance
- devices it make your life easier
- and provide accessi ble information
- that the government
- the advancement of technology.

Meireza, as I write this corrections, I can't help but notice that you are still having a hard time expressing your thoughts, your sentences, the words you use to form them as well is either missing a part or just not the right word to follow your train of thought. Moreover, the above modifications should show you how to use the right linking verbs, the punctuation marks that you're not suppose to miss as well as the idea that you want to create in the essay that you are writing.


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