entrepreneurs concern for society's issues
It is not deniable that making profit is a vital factor for all of entrepreneurs. While they seem to almost concern about their sale figures, I would ague that they need to responsible for society's issues.
It has been clear that profit increasing is an indirect way to contribute for society. Firstly, It is the best way to resolves unemployment problems in the local community. Industry companies which make more money will need more laborers to work in their factories. It is an evident that Samsung corporation have hired more than fifty percent normal employees to expand their mass production in Bacninh provice. Furthermore, these big companies with high their profit will also contributed to increase economy of community where they are located. Because a part of their profit must be paid income tax for government, these might use to improve local infracturer like schools, public clinics or social welfares.
However, I also believe that businesses should spend a mount of their budget to solve society's problems. Take environment for an example, manufacturers could spend their money to build water treatment before releasing to nature. It not only help the environment around areas became more fresh, but also help these companies develop sustanablely. In addition, they should have a funding to support poor-excellent students in education. Giving them opportunities an apprenticeship in their company could advertise their image to society, and provide available high-quality-labors for manufacturing in the local community.
In conclusion, it is true that the business's aim is making more profit, but it would have been brought more value for them if they had responsible for socical issues.
need to take up responsibilities
these might be used
It not only helps
but also helps
Giving them opportunities to work as apprentices
It is just my opinion
I think you should provide more explanations and go more deep into the topic.
Besides, please carefully check your grammar and spelling before submitting.
keep working and good job with the vocabulary!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,250 4653
The question is based on agree or disagree, why are you arguing? Examiners hate it when the exam taker uses exaggerated language in the essay. It tells them that you understood the essay question but, you are trying to impress them with your knowledge of English words. Just provide a straightforward response to the question being asked. So, do you agree or disagree? The response is as simple as "I agree that businesses should consider their social responsibilities because of a few factors." You don't have to argue, all these essays are mere "discussions". Do not use exaggerated words. It is not required and is instead, frowned upon.
Never start a sentence with "because". The word "because" is a connecting word. It is used to connect 2 related discussions in one sentence. It is never used to start a sentence because there is no topic previous to it since there is a period preceding it. The period indicates the end, instead of a continuation of the sentence. As such, there is no previous topic to connect to the last discussion presentation in the sentence.
Now, for this type of essay, you should not be doing a comparison discussion. It must be a single discussion that defends your stand on the matter. The essay does not ask you to "compare both ideas and give an opinion" so do not compare the ideas. Just stick to your personal opinion of the given topic and use first person pronouns throughout the essay to show that you are discussing things from a personal perspective.
The conclusion could have been better. It could have been longer if you had properly summarized your reasoning paragraphs aside from just the portions you wanted to present as a concluding fact.
Thank you very much!!!! You accurately point out so many oversights that I have not noticed. I will try to revise it better; and your suggestion really help me a lot. So thank you again!