Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

[Writing task 2 IELTS] The responsibility of residents and government in protecting the environment

aubreyfu310 1 / 1  
Mar 5, 2020   #1

Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty.

What is your opinion?

There are those who think that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals, while some feel that the government has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to come together due to their each importance.

On the one hand, it is not undeniable that conserving the neighbourhood is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment is built by its people, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they have to make efforts to protect it; otherwise it will be a mess with the big problems. For instance, according to a study, India has seen the dirtiest country in the world. It is the result of the lack of residents's awareness about maintaining their neighbourhood. People seem to think that it does not matter to litter because they do not realise the value of the environment. It could be seen that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals's act. Therefore, they need to have an equal responsibility as the government

On the other hand, government plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority, government could frame suitably policies that influence positively to people's acts in preserving surroundings. They can create stricter laws to cut down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air, so on. For example, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of authority (fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering small items in the first time, etc.). Thus, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation.

With regard to environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of government
and residents should work hand in hand in order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61 1  
Mar 6, 2020   #2
Your ideas is well organized and easy to follow. However, there are still some grammatical mistakes as follow:
Second paragraph:
India has been SEEN AS the dirtiest
...THIS is the result ... awareness ON... I think this sentence should be revised using more simple structure E.g This resulted from the lack of ...

THE cleanliness
Third paragraph:
encourage factories TO change
cut down ON
I hope that this help you to improve your writing further
OP aubreyfu310 1 / 1  
Mar 6, 2020   #3
Your advise very helpful to me. Thank you so much! <33
ThinhNguyen 1 / 2  
Mar 6, 2020   #4
you have done very well providing an appropriate answer to the task; however, there is one thing that concerned me:
"For instance, according to a study, India has seen..."

I think this part is supposed to be with the government's importance, but it was used for the people's. When I read the whole essay, this part troubled me from understanding your first idea. Thus, I think it would be better if you take another example as a subsequent. Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,728 4511  
Mar 6, 2020   #5
The prompt paraphrase would have been more effective if it contained the 5 sentence requirement for the discussion. Your first sentence contains two topic presentations. That should have been presented as two separate topic discussion sentences within the paragraph. Good work on creating an understandable opinion though.

You are using word fillers in the body paragraphs instead of direct discussion sentences. The direct discussion sentences help to create clarity in your essay. A roundabout discussion does add to your word count, but takes you longer to make your point. Remember, there are only 40 minutes for this task where clarity of explanation is of the essence. Kick off with a topic sentence and explain yourself fully within 5 sentences. Longer sentence presentations does not assure you of a higher score. You are scored on how well you explain yourself in English in the quickest possible manner, under time constraints. So keep the sentences mid length instead.

The essay does not have a concluding summary so you will lose a bit more points for that. The essay ended on an open discussion rather than a conclusion, which means your TA score will be affected. Remember, every essay needs a conclusion, your personal opinion is not counted as a conclusion. That is always considered a part of the reasoning paragraphs.

Home / Writing Feedback / [Writing task 2 IELTS] The responsibility of residents and government in protecting the environment