I am preparing for ielts exam,so i hope that someone may help me to check my essay. Thank you so much and have a nice day, all guys.
Topic: In many countries, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a house with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes governments pay for this care. Who should be responsible for our old people? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
Retirement homes appear to be the intriguing place for seniors in several develop countries like America, Australia, Britain, to name but a few, and this is sometimes at the expense of the government. Up till now, this issue has aroused a wide range of considerable debates. Some viewers believe that the expenditure incurred on this should be born by the government. However, in my view, the responsibilities should belong to young people in the families.
Seniors are the young's parents who bring children up, so they deserve to be paid back in appropriate manner. In fact, caring for the aged is the natural rule that every children must take because as we are infants, those are our parents who spent and sacrificed their lives for the betterment and the upbringing of them. They give us love, knowledge and they teach us the first thing of the new world. Hence, it is obvious that the elderly should stay with young people.
In addition, senior citizens are able to help their children in looking after grandchildren and doing housework. Albeit being old in age, their health is still high-quality and the brain also is astounding. In contrary, the youthful are not familiar with those advantages, they put their parents into old folks' house. Afterward, they take someone else who is so-called baby-sitter into their home. Naturally, they must to pay expenditure for them.
Briefly, the families should take the responsibility to oversee old people. In this way, we are not only keeping them happy and satisfied but also teaching our young ones some good moral values.
. Up till now, this issue has aroused awide range of considerable debates.
.... I wish if you presented this in a more simple way.;
This issue has aroused concerns of many people and some argue that children should primarily be responsible for taking care of their parents in their old age while the others claim it is a responsibility of the government.Also it is better if you state your opinion in the introduction itself. That helps you navigating your examiner in your desired direction :)
Seniors are theyoung's parents who bring children up
.... what do you mean by young's parents? It is also not grammatically correct.
every children
every child / all children
You need to pay attention to the essay structure. You should have at least 4 paragraphs ( including introduction, 2 body paras, conclusion), minimum 250 words
