Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Ielts 2: Right to University no matter of financial background of potential students



toof777 1 / -  
Jun 28, 2023   #1
1.Some people think that everyone has the right to go to university and governments have to make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.

Do you agree or disagree ?



A school of thought holds the view that government coffers should be allocated to the education path of high school seniors to enroll in university regardless of their parents' financial status. Although this statement is justifiable to a certain extent, it potentially exerts some implications for learners as well as society in the long run

On the one hand, learners from disadvantaged backgrounds could stand a chance of receiving education to enhance their future work performance. Without the monetary assistance, some underprivileged students couldn't have gained specialized knowledge which only universities can offer. As a result, this knowledge and soft skills via engaging in clubs, educational programs, and presentations could be a determining factor for the promotion of their career prospects. In the sense that, it would help them earn a lucrative income and improve their quality of life. Owing to the increase in the figure of a well-educated workforce, it would contribute to the exponential growth of the nation's economy on a global scale.

On the other hand, the implications of this phenomenon would be a major concern for the public regarding the emergence of unemployment and budget deficits. To be specific, when the majority of students are well-equipped with a college degree, the competitiveness of seeking vacancies in most firms is accelerated due to its limited job positions compared to a large proportion of applicants. As a consequence, this trend would lead to joblessness and those unemployed graduates have to opt for jobs unrelated to their degree or even unskilled jobs to earn a livelihood and support their family financially. On the societal level, the deficit financing of the government could be traced to the over-expenditure on the education system which potentially put an economic burden on other key areas including defense, infrastructure, health service, etc.

To conclude, despite the immediate benefits derived from the financial support for the youth's educational path, there are some existing problems for both students and society that need to be tackled before stating this decision is entirely valid.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Jul 5, 2023   #2
The discussion you have presented correctly paraphrased the original topic. It worked quite well even though it was too wordy and almost turned into a vocabulary exercise rather than a proper restatement. Next time say more with less words. Get to the point immediately. You will not win valuable points for sentence length, just for sentence clarity and preciseness. That said, the main problem that will cause the failing score of this essay is the unrelated discussion response and lack of writer's opinion as required by the essay.

A question was posed before you; do you agree or disagree? Your response was not in the correct format. You used the measured response format for an essay requiring a single opinion direct response. The overall discussion was then not in alignment with the discussion scoring considerations for:

1. Response format appropriateness
2. Writer's opinion clarity
3. Correct discussion format

Therefore, the essay will receive a failing score.


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts 2: Right to University no matter of financial background of potential students
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳