Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS>Safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority?



winniesun 9 / 19  
Jun 5, 2011   #1
The explanation and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to the developed living standard in the world's richest country, enormous amount of products that can still be used become end up their life. With the modern technology, people are more and more addicted to latest products as a symbol of upper-class standard. In this way it is likely to see the most serious problem to the environment has been invited which is made by people themselves.

It seem to be true that thrown-away products system bring a more or less benefits to economics by the fact that the companies can survive by producing new creations and also has a positive effect on technology by being involved in researching or producing of the latest models.

But these advantages can actually bring better life to us? I have a strong opinion that environment issue is far must be cared than economics factors. Over usage of papers or fast food containers can lead to deforestation which is the major cause of global warming inviting natural disasters like earthquakes or tsunamis. Furthermore, most of the products are made of plastics and when they are thrown away easily, they never disappear and last for thousand years. If someone try to destroy them either by burning which can pollute the air causing health problems, or by disposing to the ocean killing millions of wildlife in water.

In fact, a huge amount of daily domestic products like washing machines, televisions and other usable things are becoming garbage everyday in developed countries. Being replaced by new products is not always good as we usually think. Some experts say that new products may be uncomfortable to the user and most important of all they can emit large amount of carbon than the old things.

All in all, there is no doubt that we must reduce the amount of garbage we produce by buying less, aiming for products in smaller packaging or using we have already had. I believe that we should save our environment by using 3R of resources and recycling, which means reduce, reuse and recycle.

throllen 5 / 13  
Jun 5, 2011   #2
winniesun
Hey Winnie,

Ok, one main problem with your essay. You are completely off topic. The topic addresses "The explanation and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today, to what extent do you agree or disagree". Your essay on the other hand, has mention nothing about fossil fuels, or anything close to it. If your essay is related to the topic, you should have a thesis statement something like "There is the need for safe alternative energy source other than fossil fuels, because fossil fuels are limited, environmental unfriendly and expensive."

Then you further expand on this thesis statement.

My English is not very good, but I can tell you have a lot of run-on sentences.
OP winniesun 9 / 19  
Jun 6, 2011   #3
Thanks for your reply.
Actually, I make a mistake. The topic heading is
"Recycling is now an essential measure; it is time for everyone in society to become more responsible towards the environment.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Jun 7, 2011   #4
Due to the developed living standard in the world's richest countries, an enormous amount of products are discarded when the materials can still be used.

I made a small change above...

It seem to be true that thrown-away products system bring a more or less benefits to economics financial benefits to some companies; some companies can survive by producing new creations and also has a positive effect on technology by being involved in researching or producing of the latest models.

But can these advantages actually...

Furthermore, most of the products are made of plastics and when they are thrown away easily prematurely they never disappear and last for thousand years.

If someone try tries to destroy them either burning, it can pollute the air causing health problems. If someone tries to dispose of them in the ocean, they will be killing millions of sea animals in the water.

:-)

I believe that we should save our environment by using the three R's: reduce, reuse and recycle.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS>Safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳