IELTS Writing Task 2 - The salary is not the only key thing to consider when choosing a job

Topic:
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay

It is true that many people now decide to choose their job only based on the income they get. However, I do not agree with this idea since there are myriad factors that are equally important to salary that people are bound to consider.

On the one hand, a job with abundant and flexible salary can help people meet their basic needs in their life, such as housing, expenditure on commodities, traveling, health care. The benefits of having satisfying income make people happy and powerful. Besides, money is a motivation for people to work harder and more effectively, because they feel that they deserve with the money they get based on what they do and their passion for the job. For instance, when an architect get good salary, they are motivated a lot because they know that their products and effort are worth-paying and valuable.

Money is important to people, however, there are still other crucial factors that they need to concern before making a decision whether to take it. If people choose an appropriate job based on your interests, they will be fascinated to complete all the tasks even if they feel frustrated and depressed due to their lousy boss or unfriendly colleagues. On the other hand, money can buy happiness, but it is not a sustainable way. The main factors making people optimistic are only generated by the environment around them, which includes the workplace, positive relationships with their colleagues and friends at work. That is why a fulfilling job which suits you is the best and wise option for you to contribute to society and create a good lifestyle and thinking.

In conclusion, although salary is important to everyone, that is not the only key thing to consider when choosing a job

The prompt itself does not ask you to consider the truth behind the presented discussion point. Therefore, to do so in the restatement is a scoredown. You did not keep to the given discussion. You added a claim that is not required nor found in the original. It has made the restatement inaccurate.

A writer's opinion must meet the response formatting needs as indicated. When the correct response is not provided in the complete or expected manner, that section could earn either a partial score credit or a full failing score. In this case a partial score credit will be provided due to the missing extent response. Where is the emotional or logical degree response?

The combined early score for the establishing discussion paragraph may not be a passing one or could not be high enough to produce more than just an overall passing score. There were heavy mistakes made in that section that could prevent the ideal score from being achieved.

Grammar is not a problem for you. The sentences are properly written to meet most of the requirements. The problem is in the discussion format. There exists an unfamiliarity with the correct discussion presentation, based on discussion instructions on your part. All these discussion instructions are single opinion based on 2 supporting reasons in the presentation. The writing instructions will dictate when a comparative essay is needed. Some indicators are.

- compare the advantages and disadvantages
- do the positives outweigh the negatives
- What are the pros and cons

Where these instructions are not present, a comparison is not needed.

The essay will not get a final passing score due to the incorrect discussion presentation. Regardless of the good work in the LR, C + C , and grammar sections, the essay remains underdeveloped as there is not enough evidence to prove the writer's opinion. Hence the 2 supporting paragraph need.

As for the conclusion errors, that is set to be another set of error discussions. The above are the most important mistakes that should be fixed going forward.