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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 sample about success and the drivers behind it



quocnguyen 1 / -  
2 days ago   #1
Some people believe that through hard work and determination, people can gain success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:
It is widely believed that through hard work and perseverance, one can achieve success. While I agree that these qualities are of great importance, they do not always guarantee success due to factors beyond one's control.

Of course, it is true that nothing can be gained without making an effort in accomplishing it. For example, Chen Long - a renowned Chinese professional badminton player - was born in the most competitive era of badminton, when the sport was dominated by elite athletes such as Lin Dan and Lee Chong Wei, giving little chance for other players to rise, let alone compete against them. Having said that, Chen Long worked diligently and showed great dedication, ultimately surpassing the old generations and clinching the gold medals at the World Championships and the Olympics, which are the two most prestigious titles of badminton. This highlights that hard work and determination form the very backbone of success, enabling a person to rise to the top in the face of harsh environments.

However, I would argue that there are several uncontrollable factors. For one, luck can sometimes determine whether your goals are attainable or not. For instance, despite holding the record for remaining the world number one for the longest time in the history of men's singles, Lee Chong Wei never managed to secure an Olympic or World Championship gold medal, largely due to the greatness and excellence of his biggest rival Lin Dan and the unforeseen rise of Chen Long. This heartbreaking story underscores that conscientiousness and persistent effort, although indispensable to success, are still not enough to guarantee the ultimate results in some cases due to external variables.

In conclusion, while hard work and determination are the main drivers behind any success, they do not always ensure the desired outcomes. Ideally, a combination of personal effort and external support would lead to sustainable accomplishments.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15970  
2 days ago   #2
You immediately misinterpreted the speakers / point of view as provided in the original prompt within your first sentence. It is incorrect to interpret:

Some people believe

as

It is widely

The original reference to some means "a few" while saying "widely" refers to "many". So the way that you represented the point of view in the prompt is not correct as it does not refer to the correct count in the presentation.

While I agree

The writer's opinion is incorrect as well. The error is in the presentation of the response. The more accurate written opinion needs to include a measurement of your agreement such as: I agree with this opinion to the extent that (state your reason as the thesis statement).

it is true

You cannot make attestation in a task 2 essay as the essay is of the personal opinion kind. You cannot speak for others by making such a wide claim.

However, I would argue that

This is the reason why the essay will receive a non passing mark. You are arguing for both sides of the discussion when you are required to present 2 reasons that support your opinion, regardless of the opposing discussion side. That means your paragraph should contain a compare and contrast discussion instead. The compare and contrast reasoning format works in this case because you are discussing the extent of your support for a particular opinion as stated in the original prompt.


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