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Schools have different opinion regarding to what their students should wear.


amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Nov 16, 2016   #1
Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils while other schools have a very relaxed dress code.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?


Schools have different opinion regarding to what their students should wear. It is generally believed by some schools that there should be tight rules as to school uniforms, while other schools assume have flexible clothes could be better. In my opinion, school outfits simultaneously bring benefits as well as drawbacks. In terms of the advantages, school dress code would create discipline and stronger bond amongst students, whereas the demerits are overpriced and pupils cannot be themselves.

With regards to the benefits, the strict rules about school uniforms would lead to the discipline amongst pupils. When pupils are wearing their school dress code, they learn to obey what their teachers state to them, such as tucking their school clothes to pants. Taking my sister as an example, she is currently in the fifth grade of elementary school and usually wearing her school uniforms as she wants. Subsequently, it turns out that she gets the punishment from their teachers due to lack of discipline. As such, it makes her learning as to discipline in school. In addition, the uniform, I believe, would make a great sense of belonging amongst students because all students are treated the same one another. Also, no distinct school outfits can eliminate potential problem, such as who has better outfits than others.

On the other hand, there are also drawbacks wearing school uniforms, in which most students cannot express their personalities clearly owing to school dress code. Every student, I firmly believe, aspires to be something when they become adults, whether to be a doctor, astronaut, journalist, or even has interest in arts and so on. Thus, pupils can choose their school outfits based on what they are really interested in, so that they can express themselves freely. The use of school uniforms then only hindered as such. Another disadvantage is that sometimes the school clothes sold by their teachers are overpriced than in stores. I, myself, once experienced this, in which the price of school uniforms is cheaper in store than in school.

The aforementioned evidence reveals the merits and demerits regarding to the use of school uniforms. Training discipline and making a solid bond amongst students can be the benefits, while the disadvantages are students cannot be themselves and the exorbitant price of schools uniforms sold by school official.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Nov 16, 2016   #2
Amril, please refer back to the original prompt instruction. I am wondering as to why you felt the need to give a personal opinion, but then not discuss it within the essay. Was there any instruction in the essay for you to give a personal opinion? If there wasn't any, then you should not have given a personal opinion. Doing things that are not part of the prompt requirement will have a negative effect upon your score. Mostly because the examiner will be led to believe that you do not know how to follow instructions and that you also, did not understand the instructions you were given. If your personal opinion was required, then you should have indicated that in the full prompt presentation when you posted your essay here.

Overall, the essay is strong and shows a cohesive flow of thought. The personal example was a nice touch as it helped to illustrate that you understood most of the prompt requirement. The personal reference could help to boost your score in certain instances. Now, I am just worried about the fact that you did not further discuss your personal opinion in the essay even though you presented it in your discussion overview. Please clarify that point for me as I want to be sure that I am offering you the most accurate advice possible.
OP amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Nov 16, 2016   #3
@Holt

Hi Holt, thank you for your valuable feedback.
The fact that there is no instruction regarding to my personal opinion. I think because i am getting used to answering question with task "give your own opinion", and it makes me not thorough enough checking the prompt. I am sorry, it is my fault.

But, I realised that this type of question is also new for me. What should i do if i have to cope up with this kind of question? and if there is any grammar issue, feel free to correct me. Your feedback will be much appreciated, thank you. - Amril
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Nov 16, 2016   #4
hi these are my thought towards your essay

It is generally believed by some schools that ...
[ it is generally believed by several schools that there should be strict rules for school uniforms ]

Also, no distinct school outfits can eliminate ...
[ i think it would be better if you explain this idea more so it will make your idea clearer ]

In brief, the aforementioned evidence reveals the merits...
[if this is a conclusion, it would be better if you write the linking words such as In conclusion, To conclude, All in all, in brief , etc. ]

[you can also add your own opinion towards this and put it in the conclusion if you do not want to put that in your body paragraph]

thank you
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Nov 17, 2016   #5
Hi Amril, now i understand why you made that mistake. You need to get out of that mindset. I know that the essay prompts all sound similar already after a certain point of constantly doing them. That is why you have to be conscious of the fact that there are various types of instructions attached to certain prompt. Once you are always aware that you have to read the prompt in totality, you should be able to avoid that problem in the future. Also, you have to be sure that you leave some time to proof read your essay so that you can double check your content against the prompt. This will ensure that you did not forget to discuss something or that you did not discuss a topic that is not included in the prompt.

When you write an essay asking you to compare two sides, you are not allowed to present an opinion. It is not your job to influence the decision of the reader in this type of essay. Your only task is to present evidence coming from both sides for the consideration of the reader. The reader must be allowed to come to a conclusion on his own.

There is no right or wrong way to respond to this essay. As long as you represent both sides, neutrally in your discussion, meaning you do not take sides or present an opinion, the essay will be acceptable. Your grammar is alright. I do not feel a need to correct the grammar because it was understandable and showed a sense of logic and progression in your discussion. Your language is not so simple that it is elementary in presentation. I would say this is an intermediate sort of English language use which would be beneficial to your final score.


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