Unanswered [9] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Writing Feedback   Posts: 2

IELTS Task2: Scientist believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict..

bachyangha 2 / 1 2  
Nov 8, 2018   #1

some child can become criminal in the future

Topic: Scientists believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict if that child can become criminal in the future. To what extent is crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing to be a criminal?

There has been some claims made by scientists that whether a child might commit the crime in the future or not can be predicted through analysing his behaviour. I totally disagree with this idea and I believe that measures can be taken to avoid children growing to be offenders.

On the one hand, since human nature changes through the time along with the development of people awareness, wrongdoings cannot be attributed to one's personality. For example, a mischevous child could show unacceptable behaviour in his childhood but with guidance and education from family and school, he can become a paragon of virtue and a low-abiding citizen. Consequently, it is impossible for scientists to make accurate assumption. What is more, living conditions and environmental factors play a major role in deciding one's characters and how children may grow up. There is a correlation between crime and poverty. A child from poor family with constant exposure to violence is likely to conduct illegal acts.

On the other hand, it is feasible to stop this problem. This can firstly be done by encouraging parents to spend more time with their offsprings, pay more attention to take care of their children properly. For example, parents can teach their children to distinguish between benevolence and malevolence. Secondly, shools should make crime education mandatory. Crime prevention should be added to regular lessons. Therefore, children will be aware of the bad consquences of misdoings and avoid them at all cost. Another solution is posing stricter punishments. As a result, children would abstain from any intention of illegal acts when being conscious of severe punishments.

To conclude, I believe that crime is not by nature so scientists cannot jump to any conclusion when studying children's behaviour and actions can be taken to prevent children from growing into a criminal.

Please correct my essay
Thank you so much
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,660 1998  
Nov 9, 2018   #2
You saw the word "extent" in the prompt instructions an immediately jumped to the conclusion that this is an extent essay. Never jump to conclusions. Read the full instruction sentence before you write your response. Had you read the instructions to the end, you would have learned that this is a direct response essay. As such, you are required to present single sentence responses to the two questions provided. The responses you indicate will outline the type of discussion presentation that is to follow in the reasoning paragraphs.

Save for that mistake, your reasoning presentations are sound and shows that you have a thorough understanding of the topic and the background of the discussion. The references you made in your paragraphs show that you are capable of explaining yourself in English. While grammatically imperfect, the message of the paragraph comes across. Therefore, if you work on developing your English grammar skills, you should be able to show improvement over time. Improving your sentence grammar and presentation will definitely help to increase your overall score in the end.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Scientist believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict..