Scientists predict that in the future cars will be driven by computers - IELTS Writing Task 2

Hi, I saw this interesting IELTS question many weeks ago and i finished it for about 35 minutes. Please give me feedback for further improvement.

Question:

Scientists predict that in the future cars will be driven by computers

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What are the reasons behind this? Is it a positive or negative development?

My essay (303 words):

It is predicted that autonomous cars will be prevalent down the line in light of the dire need of saving time and improving the safety of people involved in them. I opine this scenario seems to be a double-edged sword.

The dominance of self-driving vehicles may soon stem from two major facets. One of which is the high demand of reducing the commuting time at present, potentially freeing human drivers from this stressful task during rush hours. This, in turn, allows working citizens to gain more productive time to accomplish other tasks such as writing emails and among others. Another justification would be more predictable as of late technological advancements tend to contribute to the higher standard of security and safety of users. We can see this in the ambition of driverless cars industry which is progressing incessantly to add new useful functions ranging from detecting minor mechanical errors to excluding underage drivers. In short, this development will be a consequence of humans' needs.

Personally, I think this growth may cut both sides. On an individual level, residents' quality of life would be considerably enhanced thanks to more available time daily. Not only will this boost their work performance to some extent, but it also reduces stress related to traffic issues. However, the benefits of cars controlled by computers are only optimized when manufacturers can bring it to the masses, meaning aN intolerantly high cost. Such an expense may stem from discarding all conventional automobiles and producing an enormous number of new products. Briefly, this notion seems to present both advantages and disadvantages.

In conclusion, I strongly feel that the emergence of autonomous cars will happen sooner or later to serve humans' life. While this will be a safer mode of transport, the increase of such cars may place a financial burden on a societal level.

While the essay is extremely wordy and actually shows off your vast English vocabulary, the focus on word exercise rather than coherence, cohesiveness, and a proper response to the 2nd question in the prompt are the reasons that this essay will receive a failing score. The speed by which you wrote the essay was not commensurate to the quality of writing and the appropriateness of the response to the guide questions. Hence, the speed of writing and the lack of proper response content resulted in an incorrectly presented essay presentation. Do not focus on vocabulary, that is the perfect way to fail the test.

Yes, the question you chose is interesting, but you never actually chose a single response for the defense. This is not an essay that allows for a measured response, which would have allowed you to say the discussion is a double edged swordd. This is a single opinion essay that requires you to convince the reader that only one side of the discussion should be supported. Based on the given prompt, you only partially responded to the question provided. The last aspect being incorrectly represented response. So the task is only partially fulfilled. Partially will not fly, it could lead to a failing score in an actual test.

I will not dissuade you from writing long essays, I will however, encourage you to work on sentence clarity and proper response formatting. These are the major scoring considerations for the task. Fail to accomplish these and the speed and word count will not matter at all.