'Scientists renew people daily life' - IELTS

I don't know how to write a better essay. I need advice please!

IELTS
The advance of science and technology has a significant impact on people. But the role of artists is also important, such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts bring us that science cannot?

Scientists renew people daily life and artists endeavor in a better tomorrow too. Both of technology and art are important to people. But the difference between them is that art offer exclusive nutrient.

Art nurtures the soul, cultivates the mind, exercise the imagination, and promote the communication between person to person.

Art nurtures the soul, cultivates the mind. Before a long long time, art was induced to primarily and secondary education. Some patriarchs cost loads of money to send their offsprings to art class before compulsory education or on the weekend, because is generally believe that art can cultivates a more relax and positive approach to life. After the nourishing of art, one would keep calm under stress and rebound after setbacks.

Art exercise the imagination Imagination. It is global believe that the knowledge is power. So we treat study as a life-long journey. On the contrary, as the individuals' knowledge gain, imagination fades quickly. Usually imagination individuals have not better than the imagination when individuals were young. It is the consequence of overlooking art study when we are growing up.

Art can promote interchange among individuals. No matter what colour of one's skin, what religion one belong to, what language. Every people share one thing in common-taste of beauty. For example, melody in the singer's music, expression on actor's play, landscape on painter's painting. Art is the one of best topic and self-introduce for people from different part of world.

Art, as important as technology, provide unique and indispensable experience in our life and benefic one's mind, imagination and communication.

Hi, I really enjoyed the essay as I read it because of fascinating words and ideas which were employed throughout the text. I just have some suggestions for improving the essay.

people's daily life

artists endeavor into create a better tomorrow tooas well

exclusive nutrientbenefits/advantages .


You stated this sentence in the introduction. Try to reword it and avoid any repetition.

because isit was generally believed

art can cultivatesa more relaxed feeling and it is also a positive approach to life.


U wrote this sentence in the introduction (Repetition)

as the individualsgain knowledge gain , imagination fades quickly.


This sentence is a little vague. "Imagination individuals???". What do you mean????????

, and in what language people speak.

melody in thea singer's music ---> or u can say :"the melody and rhythm of a song"

expression onof an actor's playor actress

Art is the one of the best topics

from different parts of the world.

Start a conclusion with a term like "To sum up", "in conclusion", etc, to distinguish the final paragraph.

Regards
Ahmad

...art can cultivates a more relax and positive approach to life.

After the nourishing of art ------------- this part doesn't sound right .... what do you mean by "nourishing of art'' ?

Art exerciseencouragesthecreative imagination Imagination.that helps build a better world for the people in terms of peace and harmony.------------ when you say a specific attribute of art which outperforms science, tell the reader about its benefits to the society. Your prompt expects that.

land1111
because is generally believe that because it is generally believed

your advice are very helpful