this is my third practice in IELTS writing task 2. please give me some feedback to make these paragraphs more powerful and coherence. thanks!
Q: The internet has made human lives more convenient. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People's daily activities have been simplified by connecting online. While all kind of business can be done by a simple touch of fingers on mobile device, I would tend to claim such overusing the internet can change our basic way of life, a real communication.
There is no doubt that emergence of state-of-the-art gadgets lead individuals to have an easier access to go online. The internet which is connected through smartphone can complete most of human's necessities. For instance, buying goods like outfits are more flexible by surfing online stores. Moreover, there are variety mobile application that provide transportation services. As a result, people who in a hurry do not have to queue any longer to be on time in a sudden meeting or an emergency occasion. Therefore, inhabitants rely on the internet connection to fulfill their daily needs.
On the other hand, this habit often causes online addiction, which changing in human's interaction might be an after effect. Because of interactive feature on application, they prefer to get busy with gadgets, rather than meeting face-to-face to gain more quality time. Taking teenagers as an example, they gain social needs by chatting online or browsing social media, such as Whatsapp or Line. This affects on behavior which the youngster find it way more attractive to talk on online group using emoticons than giving real expression in a family dinner conversation.
All in all, although the internet has gone beyond expectation in our daily life, there is a dire effect in social life. For this reason, I strongly recommend that users have to use the internet more properly. Development in technology must go on the right track and so do real interaction in person to person.
Q: The internet has made human lives more convenient. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People's daily activities have been simplified by connecting online. While all kind of business can be done by a simple touch of fingers on mobile device, I would tend to claim such overusing the internet can change our basic way of life, a real communication.
There is no doubt that emergence of state-of-the-art gadgets lead individuals to have an easier access to go online. The internet which is connected through smartphone can complete most of human's necessities. For instance, buying goods like outfits are more flexible by surfing online stores. Moreover, there are variety mobile application that provide transportation services. As a result, people who in a hurry do not have to queue any longer to be on time in a sudden meeting or an emergency occasion. Therefore, inhabitants rely on the internet connection to fulfill their daily needs.
On the other hand, this habit often causes online addiction, which changing in human's interaction might be an after effect. Because of interactive feature on application, they prefer to get busy with gadgets, rather than meeting face-to-face to gain more quality time. Taking teenagers as an example, they gain social needs by chatting online or browsing social media, such as Whatsapp or Line. This affects on behavior which the youngster find it way more attractive to talk on online group using emoticons than giving real expression in a family dinner conversation.
All in all, although the internet has gone beyond expectation in our daily life, there is a dire effect in social life. For this reason, I strongly recommend that users have to use the internet more properly. Development in technology must go on the right track and so do real interaction in person to person.
