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Social media as a communication has a bad impact on society and relationships

ADIE08 29 / 32 1  
Feb 28, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on the relationship between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Improving social media device in globalization era has an impact in communication among humanbeings. In my point of view, I tend to agree with that statement, in which there are negative effect about that.

First and foremost, the biggest impact of the electronic media as the communication tool is making longer relationship between people because it may limit people's direct communication and interacts with other people. For example, based on research by Global Network, showed that most people since 2000s had been tending to send messages or call by phone to communicate with the other rather than by faced direction. As a consequence, most of people in the world have a less emotional connection with humankind or family. Finally, media social has bad impact of relationship with others

In addition, other drawbacks of the cutting-edge communication media is a social impact, due to most of the people tend to apathetic with surrounding environment that is enough for them using by social media communication with other people. For example based on a statistic research by New York University, people prefer to felicitation by online networks such as Facebook, Path or LINE, than join in a birthday party or married party. As a result the social connection with surrounding or friend, every year becomes unfamiliar.

On the other hand, media also has a positive effect on one side, in which people lived in a different location easy to communicate with each other by a high social network. However, using of electronic device rather than meeting directly by face to face has a different emotional connection side. in another side, it also has beneficial of physiology and relationship.

The aforementioned evidence shows that media social as a communication has a bad impact on society and relationship in which it also has an influence of people neighborhood.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Feb 29, 2016   #2
Hi Adie, I can see you have been practicing for a while and so improving day by day. However, you used to write way too long sentences with repetitive words. Make the sentences short and powerful. Your very first line is kind of flowery with good words but not being used properly in the sentence. I have rephrasing your essay with your own words. I am not adding any new words so that you will get an idea how to write sentences in a flow first, then we can work on content of the essay. Also, I hope you are writing it in a time limit of 25-30 minutes as stated by your exams. I am repeating it for all the exam takers that do practice your essays in a time limit only. It will hugely affect your scoring in the test. Now go through my revision of your essay with your own words, I have broken your sentences into shorter ones and also removed the extra words. I hope to see your next essay soon. :)

Today's globalized world uses social media as a source of communication among humans. According to my point of view/in my opinion, this has affected negatively on the relationships between people.

In addition to this, other drawbacks of the cutting-edge technology includes a social impact. Most of the people tend to be apathetic with surrounding environment as contact through media is enough for them. For example based on a statistic research by New York University, people prefer to express their felicitations online through Facebook, Path or LINE rather than joining a birthday party or a wedding party. As a result, the social group with friends becomes unfamiliar.

But it is also beneficial for physiology(Why you have written physiology here?) and relationship.

You can write more better but try to get an idea here regarding formation of sentences.

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