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Social media and personal information (ielts)

jolin552039 1 / -  
Oct 13, 2018   #1

compare merits and demerits of social media

It is considered by some that posting individual information on social websites is peril and does have risks. In this generation with a growing virtual network, I believe that there are more plus sides of social media.

It is common that people share personal information on the internet, and that brings several advantages to them. Firstly, people can understand more about the person did not meet before. As an illustration, there are more and more people make friend and chat without meeting in person, the personal information is one of the factors to see that if the person is the right chose for making friends. Secondary, social media, for instance, Facebook, which provides groups and clubs for people all around the world with the same interest or jobs gathering together. In other words, people with the same thoughts and works can have a chance to exchange their ideas.

On the other hand, though the social website brings many positive sides to people, there are some drawbacks. People with negative intention may use sharing public information to do inappropriate actions. Such as, creating a fake account using the real person's information and defraud people for money. Furthermore, some people will even use the fake account to create the relationship with others. Consequently, putting personal information on the internet may lead to some privacy problems.

To conclude, though the social media brings some negative effects to people, I think that there are more plus points to the social websites, and people should have the good intention of that in order to create a safe environment for the internet.
Sammy123 1 / 1  
Oct 13, 2018   #2
Change "plus points" to a stronger word to strengthen argument. You might also want to expand on your intro and conclusion, unless word limit permits/
Xti02 5 / 16 9  
Oct 13, 2018   #3
You did not provide the full prompt of this task, so it makes it difficult to see whether you fulfilled the requirements. I assume the prompt stated that you should compare the pro's and cons of social media and provide your opinion. (If it did not ask for your opinion, then you should remove that part and stick to only comparing them).

Few corrections on grammar and spelling:
1. ...posting information is perilous
2. ...more people who make friends
3. ...the right choice
4. Don't start a sentence with "such as"

Also please check your last sentence. I don't really understand what you are trying to say there.

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