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WRITING TASK 2: HOW CAN SOMEONE ACHIEVE HAPPINESS?


madambxx1 1 / 1  
Sep 2, 2021   #1
Hi this is my essay, thanks for your review in advance. Would you mind focusing on evaluating my word choice, task performance, grammar, coherence, and cohesion?

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness.

Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?



Essay:
In today's materialistic world, money and material possessions are the sign of the happiness life. But many people believed that money cannot be happiness. In fact, all individuals have their different ways of achieving the pleasure. This essay will consider whether having a happy life is really hard to define or not, and whether people can find it easy to achieve happiness.

Happiness is difficult to define because it mean something dissimilar to each individual person. Nobody in the world can understand fully or experience another person's feelings, and we all have our particular passion from which we take pleasure. For example, happiness for many residents are from earning money or achieving successful, whereas others, having a healthy life and living with family are much more important. At the present, a range of feelings, from excitement to peaceful, may be associated with the idea of happiness, and the same person can have that feeling in their own way.

Although it is impossible to accurate definition of happiness, most people would agree that there are precondition to achieving it. For instance, it is hard for a person feel happy if he or she does not has a safe place or enough food for meal. Our basic survival must should be met before we achieve a pleasant life. Furthermore, it is high time to find joy in the little thing around us, such as spend time with family or hang out with our friends. Thus, there are many ways to achieve happiness it just depend on ourselves.

In conclusion, happiness is difficult to define because it is particular to each individual, but I believe that our basic needs for shelter, food and health care should be fulfilled before we can experience it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,705 3785  
Sep 3, 2021   #2
In today's materialistic world, money and material possessions are the sign of the happiness life.

This is the writer's personal opinion. A personal opinion should never be included in the restatement due to paraphrasing alterations. It lowers the TA score as this presentation redirects the conversation in a manner not in line with the orginal presentation. Save the personal opinion for the reasoning sections.

This essay will consider

No. There are direct questions presented. These indicate the need for direct responses. One topic for each question that will create a clear discussion thesis.

The prompt restatement + response portion is incorrect as it has 2 clear scoring violations present.

each individual

Redundancy. Both a GRA and LR violation. The words have the same meaning. There is no need for over- emphasis.
huyjunnie 3 / 8 3  
Sep 3, 2021   #3
Hi, I would like to point out some errors that you made in your essay.
It seems like you made a lot of schoolboy errors that can affect your GRA.
1. But many people ... --> However,
2. it mean means something
3. ... from earning money or achieving successful --> success
4. from excitement to peaceful
5. to accurate definition of happiness ("accurate" is an adjective)
6. there are preconditions to achieving it
7. it WILL BE hard for a person TO feel happy
8. he or she does not has --> have
9. there are many ..., SO it just depend ...
OP madambxx1 1 / 1  
Sep 4, 2021   #4
@Holt, @huyjunnie thank you very much


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