Here is my new essay, a bit long (372 words) done in about one hour.
I will welcome your remarks.
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. Do you agree or disagree?
For most folks on Earth, the need to gather in one place, and enjoy competition with other talented people from different cultures through popular games has always been a strong motivation. This trend is so deeply engraved in people's mind that the organisation of such events continue to be planned, even when some participants are facing grievous social problems. It is agreed that large scale sports games make people focus on attractive contests instead of international disputes, and help them being proud of their nation. This will be proved by analysing how sports events may be an important link to the peace, and by how they encourage people to display their national symbols.
Firstly, during times of war, people living in badly affected countries can forget about the gloomy environment and maintain a link with the rest of the world by listening to international sports event. For example, when Irak was hardly struck by the Second Gulf War, its citizens tried to catch any incoming news about the FootballWorld Cup through their portable receivers. This clearly shows that international sports competitions encourage people and put pressure on them to come back, sooner or later, to a relative peaceful normality. Thus, world sports events strongly participate in eventually pulling back people towards friendship and peace.
Secondly, these sporting occasions are a good opportunity for people to be proud of their country. For instance, when the Football World Cup was organised in South Africa, its citizens filled up the stadiums, cheered and waved national flags to support their national team on the field. South African national and traditional songs were played in the streets throughout the night. This example demonstrates how people might take numerous elements from their roots and history to proudly display them while supporting their team. As a result, it is clear that people can freely express their patriotic feelings during international sports events.
In conclusion, after analysing the effects of world games both for countries at war and for organising countries, it is clear that they not only constitute a tremendous appeal towards a peaceful society, but also guide the public demonstrations of national proudness. This has been true for centuries and will certainly not change in the foreseeable future.
I think your essay provide enough evidence for your position (agree).
Here are my suggestions:
just based on what I know, it is not absolute :)
For most folks on Earth,most
can change into the majority of
is quite informal, you can just say people
This trend is so deeply engraved in people's mind that the organisation of such events continue to be planned, even when some participants are facing grievous social problems.
When I see this, I'd like to read some examples.
It is agreed that large scale sports games make people focus on attractive contests instead of international disputes, and help them being proud of their nation.
I think it is agreed
doesn't nessasarily mean you agree
Perhaps you would like to be more specific about whether or not you agree.
and help them
being feel proud of their nation. Irak Iraq
This is very well written. Since you write almost entirely without error, I'll give you advice about the argument instead of about grammar: Try considering the alternate view; acknowledge what people would say to disagree with you, and then show how it is still better to think of sports as a beneficial thing instead of as a bad thing. This is called "refuting the counterargument."