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Sports centres and social health - IELTS task 2

Peterpen 1 / 1  
Sep 27, 2020   #1
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It would be argued by some that rising the number of sports centres positively affect
social health. In my opinion, however, this would have limited benefit to people's health and other methods need to be applied.
On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that the more outdoor and indoor games centers are constructed, the more public health is improved. The first reason is that playing sport and doing exercise

is one of the best way to stay in the good condition of physical and mental health. For instance, having a football match with friends everyday help us keep fit and relax after a long busy day. The second reason is that if there are many novel sports amenities built, there will more and more kind of amenities that suit each age and gender groups. So everybody will have good place which is appropriate for them to exercice and play games

On the other hand, I would argue that growing the number of sports facilities would not have to much effect on health of society and other approaches need to be incorporated. Firstly, although there are now comparatively a range of games facilities with some different types, the proportion of people attend to the amenities is still inadequate. People seem to underestimate the significant of the practicing sports and doing exercise. So instead of only construct the games facilities, we should also increase the awareness of people about the important of the sport via educating at school and mast communication. Secondly, we ought to develop the health centers and the sports coach systems. Which will help people avoid the risk of suffering the injuries during exercise and improve health in the most optimal way

In conclusions, though some people think that only developing the sports centres system would help rise the social health. I personally believe that this restrictedly benefit to public health and some the other certain methods should be applied.
Ansari01 1 / 3  
Sep 27, 2020   #2
Dear Peterpen! your writing is good and you will get the best band in your test, but here are some points that may you consider while you write an essay. Firstly, just focus on your essay structure for example there is no a clear thesis statement so when a reader read your essay in the fist paragraph can understand what it is about. Secondly, in this kind of essay at the beginning generally write a bout both side and finally your opinion should be just about oneside as the question required.
OP Peterpen 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2020   #3

Thank you so much. I recognize myself still have many mistakes about grammar, collocation, idea. Can you show and help me fix my fault

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