[ IELTS Task 2] the standard of living in country benefits cities rather than rural areas

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefits cities rather than rural areas
What problems might this difference causes ? How might these problems be reduced ?

Please give some feedback to improve my writing skill for IELTS. Thanks in advance !

The rapid economic growth in many countries has led to a widening gap between cities and rural areas. This also causes a corresponding increase in the number of problems that need to be tackled, as now will be discussed.

To begin with, the imbalance between the standard of living in cities and that of countryside poses a variety of repercussions. Firstly, it is clear that when the quality of life of city dwellers is improved, many people in rural areas tend to move to the cities to seek a better life with higher level of amenity. Consequently, the cities are not adequate space to cover a great number of people to live in, which results in the deterioration in the standard of living, for example, the services of health care are affected due to the annually overloaded hospitals. Furthermore, this problematic issue lays strain on the environment. Because of the proliferation of population in the cities, an enormous amount of waste are dumped into the environment everyday that leads to the heavy pollution. Last but not least, that the standard of living in cities outpaces that in the countryside gives rise to the discontent and social unrest. It inevitably widens the gap between the rich and the poor in society. For example, the underprivileged in remote regions are deprived of access to basic entertainment like theater or farmers in rural areas have to make ends meet everyday, however, rare still stuck in the vicious cycle of poverty.

Nevertheless, many initiatives are efficiently taken to ameliorate the problem. A right policy and an investment program should be implemented in rural areas to foster the local economy and manufacturing. For instance, if the Government creates more jobs for rural residents after their harvest time or provide subsidy for farmer to plant crops and raise livestock, the matter will be fixed. Another measure can be upgrading infrastructure in the countryside such as electricity system, amusement centers, schools, medical clinics. As a result, it definitely bridge the gap in the standard of living between the urban and the rural areas.

In conclusion, there are a wide range of options available to handle the problems described above to stimulate the development of the whole country. I hold a firm belief that the Government will have a proper approach to take the standard of living in both regions to the equilibrium.

Your introduction does not introduce your prompt to the reader at all.

Please try to use more logical linking works rather than show your opinions one by one and link by firstly, secondly and thirdly.

... the latter part is not necessary because the reader expects you to do that. Dumi's introduction structure is pretty logical to follow and it would certainly helps you earn marks.


.... a very good point.
Firstly, it is clear that when the quality of life of city dwellers is improved, many people in rural areas tend to move to the cities seeking better lives.


As a result, the cities would soon become too crowded with large number of people living in them and this would result in deterioration of many important services such as health, transport, education etc.

Thanks all for comments :)

here my introduction after re-write :
The significant improvement in the standard of living in a country has sparked a major dispute in the whole society. Some people argue that this only bring advantages for cities rather than rural areas. Correspondingly, this issue poses a vast number of problems such as overpopulation, seriously damaged environment, which can harm the people's lives. My writing will go into further analysis of the problems and introduce some instant measures to tackle them.

By the way, i want to ask that there are any grammatical errors, use of words, structure of sentence, paragraph in my essay. If you mark this essay, what band score it will get ?

There is no marks for those in IELTS. It is a myth that students should follow other academic essays. IELTS criteria are different from other exams. To score, one must fulfill the demands. In IELTS, a candidate needs to paraphrase the question to get the word counts.Repetitive words or its forms will not counted. Besides, if it is an opinion type essay, opinion should be written in the INTRO as the band descriptor mentions ' clear response THROUGHOUT'. This essay is an off-topic one so it doesn't matter how s/he wrote the essay.

The significant improvement in the standard of living in a country has sparked a major dispute in the whole society. Some people argue that this only bring advantages for cities rather than rural areas. Correspondingly, this issue poses a vast number of problems such as overpopulation, seriously damaged environment, which can harm the people's lives. My writing will go into further analysis of the problems and introduce some instant measures to tackle them.

1, sparked a major dispute?--- stick with the topic. There was no dispute or strife in the question ( do not distort the rubric)
2, the people ? --- write ' people' as it is an uncountable one.
3, My writing?? It can not go for analysis but ONLY you can can . So, I will analyse further or these problems will be analysed and some instant measures will be introduced to tackle..

:)

Let's take your first sentence;


Why has it sparked a major dispute? Also as JethroJosh points out, your prompt does not talk about any disputes. This your hook and it needs to be strong to grab readers attention. At the same time it should provide a good entrance for you to introduce your topic. So, it needs to be relevant to the topic and therefore you need to have a good alignment too.


... again your prompt does not tell that people argue on this issue. It presents this as a common situation and ask you to write about the problems it can create.