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Statistics of first-year (English/Franch) tutors job some years ago


badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
The line chart shows the information about the percentage of the number of teacher who have regular jobs according to year of graduation. The graph illustrates the fluctuation of the number of English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

Overall, there was a downward trend of the number of French teachers. The highest number came from English teachers.

According to the graph, there was a dramatic decline of the number English teachers, from 75% to 40% in the three-first years. In the next year, rose slightly to 45% in 2005. And reached bottomed at 28 percent in 2007.

On the other hand, the number of French teachers fell by 17% in 2002. After that, there was a significant increase of 69%. In the four years later, there were a steady rise and fell again by 2 percent in 2006. After that reached a peak in the end year, at 73 percent.

In conclusion, the number of French teachers larger than English teachers. And in the end of the year French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.



faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
..., from 75% to 40% in the three-first yearsthe first three years . In the next year , it rose slightly to 45% in 2005 . Andit reached bottomedbottom at 28 percent in 2007.

1. The first three years not the three first years
2. In the next year..... in 2005 ---> REPETITION. You already mention the next year in the beginning, then mention 2005.
3. Avoid to use "and" in the beginning because it is informal
4. It reached ---> It (Subject) + reached (verb)
5. bottomed ??? I don't see it in dictionary. Bottom ---> noun . Bottomed ???

After that, there was a significant increase ofto 69%
6. of : dari . to : ke

After that, it reached a peak in the end of theyear at 73 percent.
7. It + reached ---> Subject + Verb
8. the end year ---> end (noun) + year (noun) ???? add of the to separate it.

And in the end of the year, French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.

9. What your mean there ? French naik then french opposite ????
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
1. it is not necessary to add conclusion in your last paragraph because you had written it in the first paragraph
2. it will be better if you divide it into 3 paragraph.
3. you still confused about grouping the problem


The highest number came from English teachers. (this is an unclear sentence. between 2001 and 2007, which one is the highest? or you should mention a trend)

... from 75% to 40% in the three-firstfirst three years.
And reached bottomed at 28 percent in 2007. (be consistent to write percent and %)

In the four years laterbetween 2003 and 2006, there were a ...

And in the end of the year French teachers ...
and is a conjunction which is connected 2 noun/gerund/or else. you cannot use it in the first sentence.
Pramudia27 34 / 54 2  
Oct 27, 2016   #4
... of the number ofEnglish and French teachers in Ontario between ...

English and French teachers==>recruitment==> miss-understanding

The line chart shows the information about the percentage of the number of teacher who ...
The graph illustrates the fluctuation of the number of English and ...
pay attention on your essay and question, and both of them have difference meaning

year of graduation ==>year when the teacher graduate from their student.
Ucha MSN 17 / 26 4  
Oct 27, 2016   #5
... who have regular jobs according to year of graduationbased on the graduation years.

... downward trend of the numberrate of French teachers.

..., there was a dramatic declinedeclining of the numbertotal English teachers, from 75% to 40% inwithin the three-first years. In the next year, it rose slightly to 45% in 2005. Andand reached bottomed at ...

... a significant increaseimprovement of 69%.
IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 27, 2016   #6
Hi badafebriani17. Here are my suggestions for you.

... the percentage of the number of teacherteachers who have regular jobs ...

Overall, there was a downward trend ... The highest number came ...

according to the data, you didn't specify the year of the statement "The highest number came from English teachers". let's see in 2007, you will see that the percentage of French teacher is the highest.

... decline of the number of the English teachers,

After that, it reached a peak in ... ==> don't forget to write the complete sentence.

also, don't rewrite the conclusion because you wrote your overview in your first paragraph to avoid repetitive sentence.

Goodluck!


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