it is true
Use a general referenceinstead. That is because you are not being asked if the information presented is true or false. A better starling point would have been:
Generally speaking, students have been finding it hard...In that response format, you are not attesting to anything, just making a non - referencing observation. That is more prompt adherent.
This essay will discuss ... the problem.
Tell me what your response is. Create the discussion outline for the benefit of the examiner. He already knows the questions. He wants to know what your answers are to the cause and solution qquestions. This immediately tells him if you understood the instructions or not for the TA score.
To begin with,...at school.
This is a redundant prompt paraphrase. Do the paraphrase only once. Do not use it as word fillers in the reasoning paragraphs. Topic sentence introductions are more useful in there paragraph sections.
A number of students have a habit of staying up late to watch films or play games,
Wrong. This creates an incoherent paragraph. For coherence, connect the lack of sleep to the previous reason which is homework. You will get better C + C scores that way based an topic clarity and connectivity
On the contrary,
What solution are you opposing? You haven't presented any yet. That phrase is only used to oppose previous information. That is misplaced in this paragraph and will affect your GRA score. Reason? Inappropriate phrase usage. Your solutions do nottotally wlate to your reasons so that maybethe cause of additional C+C deductions as well.
Your concluding summary does not contain a run-down of the previous discussion topic, reasons, and solutions. Itis incorrectly formatted for the task.