Plz revise my essay,
I really need help!
"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students learn better when they are not threatened with possible failure.
Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion."
I agree that not to be threatened with failure is really important about the students . while some people believe that education system needs something called failure , I am going to explain some reasons in order to support my opinion.
First of all , certainly all of us have experienced that being threatened makes students feel stressed and this way reduce brain's ability to reflect its information .
"I agree that not to be threatened with failure is really important about the students . while some people believe that education system needs something called failure , I am going to explain some reasons in order to support my opinion."
(Honestly, you do not need to narrate what you're going to say. Simply state your opinions but don't tell us that you are going to state it, we will already know that you are.)
You have various ideas, and they are not clearly expanded. I would suggest to expand on one idea, that might be a experience that relates with you.
You quickly mention a personal idea "In conclusion, personally ,I have experienced both kinds of courses with failure and free ones . " You can expand on this, make this your central idea in your passage. And it does state in your question to prsent specfic examples, and with this example you can state your reasons.
Do not Tell but Show-but don't over do it. In addition, show some attachment with your essay. It does not engage the readers, yet it sounds like a narration.
Well Hope I helped-Good luck!
"On the other hand , as a result of not being afraid of failing students will feel relaxed . In my opinion their attraction in studying will show them if they really like the subject or not. In addition, the students will do extra researches , on the Internet or in libraries. Furthermore they will not suffer from studying but they will enjoy it. They will also have a favorable impression on that subject and of course will use it in their future career accurately . Something that makes teachers happy in this field is that final test will not concern students and they will also be active during the course."
Personally, I find this part not convincing. If students feel relaxed, and somehow the subject does NOT attract them, then why would they do things you mentioned - doing extra research, enjoying them and being active, or having a favorable impression on the subject?
Thanks a lot!
@RabiaG: I'm in first steps of writting an essay,I will try to improve it!
@soarer:I think students should apply for the courses that they like.They must have ability to choose.