Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately?


Quynh Nguyen 1 / 2  
Jul 31, 2018   #1
Please help me correct this essay. Thank you for your help.

Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer.

naughty students should be grouped together and taught separately



As you know, disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Some people think that students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. In the following essay, we will discuss to clarify this issue together.

On the one hand, grouping students to teach that bases on their qualifications brings many advantages. Firstly, it is very easy for teachers to have teaching methods appropriate to each object. For example, students who are bad at Math usually need to be taught more meticulously and they really want to do the exercises that suit their learning capacity rather than hard exercises just for numerate students. Secondly, separate teaching is perhaps a good new for gifted students. In fact, there is a big difference in the work time between good students and poor students, as a result, gifted students are likely to promote their maximum ability if they are grouped together and taught separately.

On the other hand, everything has more than one face and in fact, there are numerous shortcomings besides above benefits. Firstly, disruptive school students will have no good examples to follow and there is also no one who helps them do hard exercises. Thereby, they will become noisier and more disobedient if they are not managed strictly by teachers. Furthermore, when teachers segregate poor students, these students will feel that they are treated unfairly and are very susceptible to autism. These may be reasons to explain why nowadays Department of Education is still hesitating about teaching separately for each student group.

From what has been discussed above, I personally disagree with the idea that supposes naughty students should be grouped together and taught separately. It would be better if we learn together and help each other to progress together.

Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Jul 31, 2018   #2
You should mention that this is an IELTS essay.
In your introduction, you should say whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Your opinion must be clear to the readers from the beginning of the essay.

As for your second paragraph, I think that you misunderstand the question. The children that are needed to be taught separately are noisy, disobedient and disruptive, which means that they don't want to learn and often cause problems for other students. The question doesn't mention that students should be grouped by academic ability. In this paragraph, you only write about the advantages of grouping according to students' ability.

Your essay has some grammatical and lexical mistakes as well as misuse of phrases and words. There are some examples:
As you know
we will discuss to clarify this issue together.
You shouldn't use these phrases in an academic essay. Talking to the readers like this in an essay seems informal.

disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Some people think that students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately

You just repeat the whole question again. To avoid repetition, you need to paraphrase the question.

grouping students to teach basedon their academic ability.

Secondly, separating students into different classes is perhaps good news for gifted students
OP Quynh Nguyen 1 / 2  
Jul 31, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your really great comment. I hope that you will give me more feedback for further essays. Thanks you.
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 31, 2018   #4
Nguyen, your opening paragraph is almost a verbatim presentation of the original prompt. You cannot use the same words / sentences in your opening paragraph because you are expected to restate the prompt using your own, original words that represent your understanding of the prompt statement. In addition to that, you did not respond to the prompt question and instead, created your own prompt requirement. This means that you will receive a failing score in the TA section of the essay. That usually means that you will not have the opportunity to get a passing score of 5 with this essay. The reason for this is clear:

Question: Do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer.
Response: In the following essay, we will discuss to clarify this issue together.

Your thesis statement does not respond to the question. It is a clear indication of your inability to understand English instructions. This is also a single opinion essay that you discussed in a comparative format. When you are asked to pick one side of a discussion as a response, the next 2-3 body paragraphs / reasoning presentations can only focus on one side to support in the discussion. That is why there is the decision making word "OR" in the question. You can only respond to the question using one answer.

You should not place your disagreement in the concluding paragraph. That is considered to be a personal opinion and, as I am sure you were taught or you have read about, the personal reason is always a stand alone paragraph that fully explains your line of reasoning and offers supporting evidence to help strengthen your discussion. The format is:

1. Paraphrase
2. Supporting paragraph 1
3. Example paragraph
4. Personal Opinion
5. Conclusion

Therefore, this essay was not discussed in the expected manner and as such, cannot be considered to be prompt adherent nor correct in discussion format. There is a strong possibility that this essay may not get a passing score in the actual test.
OP Quynh Nguyen 1 / 2  
Aug 1, 2018   #5
@Holt
Thank you very much for your help. I'll definitely try my best to write better in the following essays. Thanks a lot again.


Home / Writing Feedback / Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately?