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TOEFL Essay,"Success in life: Risk or Planning"

ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 23, 2012   #1

Please help me by checking my essay...thanks:)

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Life is like a race and we all are running in that race to win. To win this race, running is important. If we do planning only and don't run then, that will not help us to win the race. By this way, careful action in any work in life is important, only planning cannot help to success in life. Proper planning with careful action can help us to success in life.

Firstly, taking risk can teach us new lessons in our life. This will give us new experience of learning new things, where we can find our strength and weaknesses. We can find our interest in that work or activity. This will help us to improve our skills and work on our weaknesses. This will not always results success but, failure is the first step to success so, we should learn to take risk in our life to find our strength and weaknesses

Secondly, taking risks can help us to find new ideas and opportunities in life. We can also make a profit by taking risks. For example, in share market, people take risk and carefully invest their money and luckily they earn profit out of that. Second example, while playing, many times players have to take risk to win the match, even if he knows that he could not do that moves. No matter, whether they win the match or not, but they will have satisfaction that they tried. So, failure could also be the result of risks, but that does not mean, we should stop taking risk and keep ourselves away from new ideas and opportunities.

Finally, not every time will get the time to think and plan, so by considering positive points of risk, I think, success comes by taking risks or chance.

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jul 23, 2012   #2
Life is like racesports competitionand where we all running in that raceaspire to win. To win this racetournament , runningplanning is as important. If we doas action only and don't run then, that will not help us to win the race.By this wayIn other words , careful action in any workwalkinof life is important, onlywith smart planning cannot help to success in life .

Firstly, taking risk can teach us new lessons in our... step to success. So,

Good composition.
The reasons you provided are pretty good. If you could, change the sentence structure which keeps on repeating in meaning.
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 24, 2012   #3
Thanks for your feedback.

I will try to rewrite my essay and post again. I have some questions about the reasons I provided. I think, these are not strong enough. Can you please suggest me some other reasons or other ideas? I have my exam after two weeks. I am confused about my writing. I do not understand what to do at this stage...? These are lots of mistakes..:( please suggest me something so that I can score high in my exam.

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jul 24, 2012   #4
Can you please suggest me some other reasons or other ideas?

It is always good to provide best reasons or ideas in agree or disagree essay, but it does not hurt much even if you
do not write the best possible example, reasons or the logic. Remember, this is t "English Language" test not other
subject test. What counts the most is: proper grammer, sentence structure, coherence and flowing of ideas, and top of all ;
it must be readable.That is why focus on improving these categories instead of others. Accroding to your thread, you are
good in writing essay, you can do better in exam. Just keep on working.
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 26, 2012   #5
Thank you so much.

That was very useful. Sometimes, Its very hard to study alone, we cannot understand where we are..!! there is a need of guidance. That was really inspiring and motivating.

Thanks again!!

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jul 27, 2012   #6
Ana, sometime it is very disappointing to learn new things as
It is time consuming and requires hard work. Learning new language is more
exhaustive and takes a lot of hard work. We freeze a lot
Of time while writing essay or delivering speech even in our native
or mother tounge. English is our second language. So do not get
scared . Take good things and forget others. It keeps you motivated and

Actually, You are doing pretty good compared to other EF users. Read and
write as much as you can . Websites like "byliner" features wonderful
essays in varieties of field. Opinion page of newyork times is very helpful for
essays. Just a suggestion!
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
Jul 28, 2012   #7
Thank you so much dear all especially deepakbaniya. I totally agree with you, we need to take good things to keep ourselves motivated and inspired. And yes, that (byliner) site is also a great site. I will keep working on my reading and writing. thanks again.

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jul 31, 2012   #8
Thank you so much dear all especially deepakbaniya

You are very welcome Ana for your beautiful words.
This gives me extra mileage to review more essays.

Thank you so much!

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