IELTS TASK II suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Junk food comes to disturb commuters' life across the globe. This bringing numerous health problems should be tackled by authorities as soon as possible. While I am standing in the line of proponent who argues a high tax becomes a suitable solution of it, I also claim this solution has to establish immediately due to running of time.

Disease related unhealthy refreshment has risen dramatically because of more and more dwellers eating fast food with the great number of it. Taking America as an example, according to the data established by CNN in 2016 has shown a majority societies of such country consuming unhealthy diet overall more than four times each day. As result of this, they cannot prevent some of illness namely stroke, heart disease, and obesity. Those are escalating the number of dead rate because of junk food by the gap 15 % every year. With concern to take this one into account, government has to arrange a novel regulation relating the tax of the junk food.

A part from previous notion, teenager is the foundation of the nation because they are the next generation. However, their life is on the trouble since more than 60 % young occupants suffer from obesity due to fast food. Raising a tax of such food is not only giving a pressure to the society so as to not over-consume it but also saving our children.

In conclusion, In the light of saving the community from tremendous negative impacts of junk food, it is really high suggested authority to raise the tax of junk food. Besides, before it comes late, the regulation should be legalized immediately.

hi reza,
it's very nice to read your essay
but i'd like to give you some suggestions

Junk food comes to disturb commuters' life across the globeglobally .

This bringing numerous health problems should be tackled by authorities as soon as possible.

I also claim this solution has to establish immediately due to running of time .

Disease related unhealthy refreshment has risen dramatically because of more and more dwellers eating fast food with the great number of it .
.... because of the increasing of consuming fast food.

As result of this, they cannot prevent some of illness namely stroke...

A part from previous notion, teenagersisarethe foundation of the nation because they are the next generation.

using adjective in your essay is good but too much adjective and noun phrase make it hard to read.
however you have provided an enormous range of vocabularies

good luck reza