Based on the TED video by Bill Gates with topic mosquito, malaria and education, we know that Bill Gates with his foundation tried to reduce amount of malaria case in many country, especially on development country. He said that this disease always give the infection to the child, which has 1 - 5 years old. To make it clear, he has a statistic during amount of the children were born, and amount of children were died before the age of five. At 2002, there are 135 million children were born and less than 10 million of them died before the age of five. He said that it was a phenomenal thing, which is one of those lives matters a lot. As a conclusion of his speech, he believes that we have to increase our efforts to make a deal on the destiny of next generation because they are the part of us to make a better life in the future.
Hello Mem77,
..., we know that Bill Gates He with his foundation tried (...) in many country countries, especially on of development country
He said that this disease always (...) child, which who has 1 - 5 years old
To make it clear, he has [shown ] a statistic during amount (...) children were died before the[ir ] age of five.
He said [according to Gates ] that it was a phenomenal thing...
As a In conclusion of his speech, he believes ...
hope this help
Hi Mem77,
I'm sorry your article quite hard to understood.
Based on the TED video by Bill Gates with topic {you should use(;)for mentioning something to make it clearly } mosquito, malaria and education. {I suggest you to split this sentence cause it's too long } W e know that Bill Gates with ...
He said that this {it's more suitable with"The"because you have already mentioned it at the top } disease always give the infection to {it's better use"attack" } the child, which has 1 - 5 years old. To make {better add"data"before statistic } statistic during {better addtime period } amount of the children were born, and amount of children were {the addand } died before the age of five. At {please useInfor explain year } 2002, there are 135 million children ...
... that we have to increase our efforts to make a deal on the destiny ...
Keep going!
Hello mem77
I would like to give you some corrections from your essay.
1. This sentence is better if you write like this "... video by Bill Gates with the topic about mosquito, malaria and education,"
2. This sentence is better if you write like this "... tried to reduce amount of malaria case in many countries , especially in the develop countries "
Explanation: many country ==> many countries (after word "many" should meet "plural noun")
Keep writing :)
