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IELTS Summary Article (v) Energy-efficient engine turns waste hot water into electricity

Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 17, 2016   #1
Recently, Exergin, a company which focus to produce electricity from waste hot water in a wide range of applications, plans to run the first industrial trials of its technology. Exergyn also estimates the heat lost in waste hot water from several sectors such as cargo ships and big factories as equal as energy in Saudi Arabia's oil and gas output. They try to use new material called nitinol which has several usage such as medical equipments, sunglasses and NASA's transportation. They also argue that although a device only improves a less efficiency, but this is free energy we can get. Furthermore, company had spent their time to perfecting the design and the material. They also predict will expand to the geothermal market.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Nov 17, 2016   #2
Dioba, your summary is lacking some information. Most notably, the name of the technology that Excergin developed. You neglected to mention the reason for the development of the technology and its other applications if any. Obviously this is a summary essay for a procedural report so a short description of the technology along with how it is executed should have been included in the summary. By the way, the technology cannot improve a "less efficiency" as all technology is developed in order to "improve efficiency" so I think you just made a mistake with your term usage in that instance. The essay speaks of other applications of the technology, but doesn't really indicate how the technology is ideally going to be used in the first place.

Basically, the essay takes bits and pieces of information from all over the report without taking care to actually indicate the importance of certain procedures, descriptions, and keywords. That has weakened the summary ability of this essay and has resulted in a less than stellar and non-informative essay. The reader cannot really understand what the purpose of your summary is because of the lack of proper information within the written text.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 17, 2016   #3
Hi Dioba,
At first glance, I can see that your summary suffers from subject-verb agreement errors. Let's take a closer look in the detailed analysis below.

- Recently, Exergin, a company which focusES to produce electricity..., first industrial trials of itsby using/utilizing this new technology.
- ... ships and big factories will/is going to be as equal as energy in ...
- ... nitinol which has several usages such as medical equipments , sunglasses and ...
- ... although a device only improves ahas less efficiencyefficient improvement , but this is the free energy that we can possibly get.
- Furthermore, company hadhas spent their time to perfecting the design ...
- They also predict that it will expand to ...

Hope this helps :)
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 17, 2016   #4
Hello dioba this is my correction for you, feel free to corection me too.

Exergin also estimates the heat (...) ships and many big factories as ...

The company also argue that although ...
Furthermore, company had spend their time to perfecting ...

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