Birke Baehr, 11 years old, talked about what is wrong with people's food system. To begin with, kids are easily led to believe all the marketing and advertising of junk food on TV, at public schools and pretty much everywhere else. They are drawn by colorful packaging and plastic toys, whereas they do not know the origin of the food. Baehr discovered the dark side of the industrialized food system. This genetically engineered seeds and organisms. That is when a seed is manipulated in a laboratory to do something not intended by nature. The food they produce has been proven to cause cancer and other problems in lab animals, and people have been eating food produced this way since the 1990s. On the other hand, many farmers still use natural system of farming. For instance, Joel Salatin, a lunatic farmer, does not use any pesticides, herbicides, or genetically modified seeds. And so for that, he is called crazy by the system.
(161 words)
-BIRKE BAEHR-
Hallo Bung Ilham, that is interest topic, overall your idea already delivered. However, I have several suggestions for your writing.
Birke Baehr, 11 years old, talked (talk) about what is ...
This is appositive sentence = noun+noun+v1
To begin with, kids are easily led to believe all the marketing and ... ( use the strong vocab, and make it simple to understand)
This genetically engineered (seeds?) and organisms
Food production has been proven to cause cancer (...) and people human , when they consumed unhealthy food since 1990
... what is wrong with people's fooddiet system.
To begin with, kids are easily ledpersuade to believe in all the marketing and (...), at public schools [need comma here to clearly distinct those places are completely different] and pretty much everywhere else.
... packaging and plastic toys gift, whereasalthough they do not know the origin [ingredients might be more appropriate to use] of the food.
This has genetically engineered seeds and organisms.
... manipulated in a laboratory to do something not intended by naturegrow synthetically/artificially.
... and other problems in lab animals, andwhile in fact people have been eating ...
On the other hand,however , many farmers still use natural system of farmingplanting [since you already wrote farmer ].
Hallo bung ilham, actually your summary essay is good, but i have some advice to you
... been proven to cause cancer ("The foodtheyproducehas been proven to cause cancer". your sentence has 2 subject and 2 verb. for next time may you eliminate one of them) and other problems in lab animals...
