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IELTS 2: Surveys show that people are living longer in many countries.


nightrain 2 / 3  
Mar 1, 2023   #1
Surveys show that people are living longer in many countries.
But increased life expectancy has many implications for aging individuals and for society as a whole.

What are the possible effects of longer living for individuals and society?



Essay:
The life expectancy for modern citizens has increased for many years, as claimed by many surveys. This trend positively affects individuals but brings more adverse consequences for everyone and society.

Individuals can both benefit and suffer from a longer lifespan. Firstly, individuals will have more free hours to explore their interests towards the world and spend time with their families and friends. Using China as an example, the average lifetime analyzed by authorities and originations is about 75 years old, and the retirement age is about 55 to 60. Thus, Chinese citizens will have about 15 to 20 years of pension, which means they can fully enjoy their life without financial concerns. However, dwellers may suffer for a longer time. Many older adults have chronic diseases, which means daily medication and the side effects of pills and pain from some illnesses will lower the quality of life.

The aging society will cause a heavy burden on both governments and individuals. Firstly, the authorities will allocate more funds to build more facilities and train more medical practitioners, such as retirement homes and nurses, to support the aging population's daily requirements. Additionally, caring for sick or disabled elderly will cost the working-age population more time and effort. Longer time on family caring will lead to less time spent on jobs, leading to a decreased output in many industries for the long term.

In conclusion, it is no doubt that individuals can attain more advantages from a longer lifespan, but this will cause more severe effects generally.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4810  
Mar 2, 2023   #2
In the prompt restatement, why did you indicate "individuals" alone, which has an all encompassing age reference as opposed to senior citizen specific referencing, being the whole point of the prompt restatement? This created a confusion in your restatement presentation since the age focus was divided and thus, incorrectly referenced within the statement. You did a good job with the opinion presentation though. You really stated a clear point of view in that sentence.

The rest of the essay uses words that do not really suit the given discussion. These words do not tend to be everyday words that would have been better description words since they are not profession specific. You used profession specific or uncommonly used words several times, which made the essay a bit difficult to understand since the connection to the prompt topic is not easily made in your references.

We have a little more than the minimum word count, but not really enough words to depict the essay as fully explained and properly developed in terms of discussion presentations. You should try to increase your explanations in the reasoning paragraphs. Try to develop an essay of at least 175 words to better meet the scoring requirements.


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