Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


How Technology affects us


Isabellaaaa 1 / -  
Nov 12, 2023   #1
Summary: In my class, we were able to choose our own topic for our essay. I decided to write about how technology affects us with pros and cons.

Today, we live in a world where we use technology for everything. It goes from working from home, online school, messaging, shopping, and having the technology performing tasks. We humans have gotten used to doing almost everything with some form of technology.

One of the reasons someone can guess technology is taking over is more recent, and it would be the pandemic. Once it hit us, we instantly became virtual in almost everything. This transition to virtual lasted us for about a year; for some, they are still virtual for preference.

In 2022, a study found that "66 percent of the global population were active internet users." (Burgess). This can be viewed as positive or negative. First, we will start with the positive outcomes. Going virtual helped many develop friendships/relationships all over the world. It made it easier for the one who struggles with social anxiety to gain the connections they wish for-it also helped a few people with disabilities so they could "forget about their physical boundaries inside a video game universe" ( Burgess).

However, some people may disagree that relationships made virtually are a good thing. The more virtual connections we engage in can also mean the less in-person interactions. When we stop having genuine human interactions, it can create an empty feeling called loneliness. Moreover, the less we communicate in person, the less social skills we have, an essential daily life skill. Another point was that technology is not always the best way to form a relationship. It can make people "particularly vulnerable to harassment online"( Burgess), an unfortunate thing no one should go through.

Speaking from personal experience, I made one close friend online during this time. I am not very outgoing, but I love making friends and talking to people when comfortable. Other than the one friend I made, I typically would not talk to new people online.

While some students like virtual learning, there may be better solutions than virtual learning. They might prefer it because they can work at their own pace, learn how it works for them, and work in a comfortable environment. However, when you learn online, it requires self-discipline, which some need to improve. Another thing is integrity and making sure students do their work. Some might look up the answers or even pay for subscriptions to get answers. They do this to get the work done quickly and get good grades. However, when they do this, they do not need to learn the critical information they may need later. Also, there can be technology issues, making it difficult for the student to get the proper resources.

Although, some may disagree and believe that online learning is excellent for students. It can make it easier for them to improve their attendance because it is accessible right at their fingertips. Not only that, students can "adapt any place to suit your needs best" (Atlantic). Moreover, when students are comfortable, they are more productive, meaning they get better grades.

I prefer learning online because it works with my lifestyle the best. I have to work a lot, so having online classes makes it easier to work it around my schedule. Another reason is that I have more accessibility to outside resources to help me be the most successful in my classes.

However, just because I prefer it does not mean it does not mean everything works out for me. For example, if I have a question, I must email my instructor, which could take hours or even a day-rather than going up to my teacher and having a better understanding of my question answered.

As the years go on, more technology becomes involved in our everyday life. From working from home, online school, and messaging, it will continue to progress. One day, every small thing will be virtual in our life.

Works Cited
Bay Atlantic University May 16, et al. "How Does Virtual Learning Impact Students in Higher Education?" Bay Atlantic University - Washington, D.C., 17 June 2022, bau.edu/blog/virtual-learning-in-higher-education/.

Burgess, Jake. "How Has Technology Affected Social Interaction?" Sogolytics Blog, 30 Sept. 2023 sogolytics.com/blog/how-has-technology-affected-social-interaction/.
Technology Can Have Positive and Negative Impact on Social Interaction." Human Kinetics, us.humankinetics.com/blogs/excerpt/technology-can-have-positive-and-negative-impact-on-social-interactions. Accessed 19 Oct. 2023.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4811  
Nov 25, 2023   #2
The thesis paragraph has a solid base, but lacks the actual presentation of the discussion topic. That is what made an otherwise strong paragraph weak. Next time, offer the thesis statement at the end of the introduction. Include the discussion process that you will be using to help provide a proper overview of the upcoming paragraphs.

can guess

Always use a factual and authoritative tone in your presentation. Ensure that you control the thought process that your reader will be using. Avoid using vague reference phrases such as these to keep the reader focused on what you really want to say.

Basically, your introduction is too vague and does not really direct the reader towards a proper introduction that would allow them to understand the whole point of your essay. Build a proper introduction next time, Outline the topic, the reasons for the discussion, and how you plan to discuss it. That way the overview becomes more useful to the reader.


Home / Writing Feedback / How Technology affects us
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳