[TOEFL WRITING] Technology create more problem than it solves?

Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality life. Do you agree or disagree?
Technology is a double-edged sword. After several industrial evolutions, we are heading to a world that its technological power is getting stronger and stronger. On account of this, people are arguing about is technology is helping people or leading people to a wrong way. As far as I concern, I think technology brings more benefits than its disadvantages.

As we all known, Internet is playing a big role in our life today. Just talk about study. People don't have to learn knowledge from the school as before. There is a big amount of information in the Internet. For instance, if you have any problems you can just post it in the Internet, people who know the answer can help you when they see the questions. For history, most of the time we get the historical knowledge from the textbook. There is a problem, the history book isn't right all the time. If you look it up in the Internet, we can know the history from different people, different views. Online shopping is more and more popular nowadays. People can just type goods name in Amazon, E-bay, etc. It will show the price and provide the delivery to where you want it to ship. You also can save money by comparing the price from different seller to get a better price.

With technology developing, our transportations are becoming more and more advance, from bicycle to jumbo jet. These things highly improve the efficiency than the old period. For instance, People who want to come to the United State from the England maybe need half month to get there by ship. But since modern jumbo jet comes out, it just takes 17 hours to bring people to the United State from the Britain. Therefore, It is convenient for people who want to visits the strange countries.

On the whole, I highly agree technology is leading people to a new world, a better world.
Thanks for commenting my writing.

... very good hook :)


... I think you had meant "revolution", not "evolution" as evolution never stops. Evolution means "the gradual development of something" and Revolution means "an instance of revolving". There had been several industrial revolutions and new technologies do evolve almost every minute.

Further, I like if you improve the presentation of the second line in this background part of the intro.

as far as iam concerned

you got points, good
try spacing between paragraphs

→ On account of this, people are arguing that whether technology is helping people or leading people to a wrong way.


→ Take knowledge-studying for example. Many people rely on searching knowledge or useful information through Internet instead of reading books or asking teachers in the school. There is a large amount of information on the Internet. (The other example you may use is "Open course". )


→Besides, online shopping is more and more popular nowadays. ( I think you can try to add some conjunctions and adverb to make paragraphs neat.)

Try to explain your statements with more details and be careful with the words that you choose.

With technology developing,the advancement of technology, our transportationstransportation systems too d are becoming more and more advanced, from bicycle to jumbo jet.These things highly improve the efficiency than the old period.They help enhance the efficiency levels of overall society. For instance, People who want to come to the United State from the England maybe needed over half month to get there by ship in the olden days. But since modern jumbo jet comes outtoday British people can reach the same destination within , it just takes 17 hours to bring people to the United State from the Britain . Therefore, It is convenient for people who want to visitsvisit the strangeforeign countries.

is this independent writing task? it may be a little bit too short?
may be you can add more detail on your examples.