IELTS - Technology and traditions are incompatible

Hi guys, can anyone plz help me to correct this essay? Suggestions are highly appreciated.

It is inevitable that as technology develops traditional culture must be lost. Technology and traditions are incompatible- you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The relationship between modern technology and traditional culture has always been a great concern of many. A gloomy view states that they are not compatible to each other. However, base on my personal experience, technology and traditional culture do not have to repel each other, as a matter of fact, they can co-exist harmoniously.

The existence of massive traditional customs and holidays explains that people see traditions are of great treasures to them with the rapid development of technology. Traditions are the quintessence of a culture which is not easy to be shacked by technology. For instance, The Chinese celebrate spring festival to in honor of the legendary victory against the great monster 'Nian', and that tradition has lasted several thousand years. Same as the Easter is a great memorial for Jesus Christ enjoyed by all Christians since ages ago. Furthermore, plenty of customs are kept instead of wiping out by development of technology. Take traditional foods for example, they are widely enjoyed by all cultures in special occasions even there are myriad more tasty food available for people. Besides, traditional activities such as marathon and tug-of-war still gain significant popularity among people all over the world even though their original purposes had long faded away.

On the other hand, the fact that the lost of some life styles due to the influence of technology is mistaken for incompatibility between the two things. For example, nowadays people rarely write to each other but sending emails, constantly check mobile phones instead of lively chatting with friends in social occasions and a range of old occupations vanished as a result of technological development. Nevertheless, these facts are believed not yet on the cultural level, it just the natural transformation of life styles. We will be expecting increasing changes as technology develops and we can not understand that as lost of traditional culture because common life styles are not classified as 'traditions'.

Therefore I would like to conclude that traditional culture is compatible to technology, yet people's life styles are changing from time to time due to the contribution of technology.

In the introduction, your first task should be to introduce the topic to the reader. So, I feel you need to re-phrase this opening sentence a little bit to give ther real effect of your topic;

How the development of technology affects traditions has become a great concern of many people today.


Some people hold a pesimistic view claiming that technology and traditions cannot go hand in hand due to their incompatibility.


.... good sentence :)

Thank you ! Any more suggestion?

This whole para sounds out of topic. You need to align your writing with the topic which talks about technological development results in loosing cultural significance. And your argument is both are necessary and should be in harmony. So, give a reason as to why you believe so. And then support with a specific example. In this case you can talk about celebrating those cultural festivals with the help of technology.


.... here your idea is not very clear. This is my suggestion;
On the other hand, certain technological advancements have brought in several changes to our life-styles and made us less responsive to cultural and societal needs.


For example, nowadays people manage their relationships mostly online, such as exchanging e-mails or interacting through online social forums, without meeting or interacting with others physically.