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Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generation. Discuss and give opinion



anmolpreetsingh1 1 / 2  
Oct 4, 2020   #1
Question:Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generation.

Discuss the view and give opinion.



The Early generation of adolescents was living a less stressful life than the present ones. In my opinion, this is true because of some changes in education standards and children's parents behavior towards education.

To begin with, in past two decades, the level of education has been increasing significantly. Owing to this, students spend most of their time in studying tough subjects such as science and mathematics rather than enjoying their childhood. Instead of doing some physical activities, they have adopted a sedentary lifestyle that is needed to study hard topics of education. The reason of this mindset is employment or a good earning job.

Moreover, parents' demands and expectations play their own role in increasing the stress-level of teenagers. Although parents support their love ones in their every decision, they sometimes forced their children to study those subjects in which they are not interested. Furthermore, not only guardians but also the expectations of other members of the community leads adolescents to live a life of stress. This is because students are in the most sensitive and crucial stage of their lives where they always want the best for themselves. But the feeling of being unsuccessful and not fulfill others' demands make them worry about their future.

However, in the past times, education and parents were not advanced and demanded, respectively. People mostly depend on labour for their livelihood. As a result, children also felt free from the burden of studies, as they wanted to follow their elder's path from work perspective. Take India as an example, in the past times about 58% of the Indian population depends on agriculture. Therefore, parents also wanted their children to grow up as a farmer. As this profession needs no requirement in studies, children lived a stress-free life.

In conclusion, I believe that boosted education levels and parents considerably increased pressure on their children has risen the stress-level in youngsters' life. However, in the past, missing these factors was a reason for children's stress-free life.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Oct 5, 2020   #2
Try to focus less on the length of the essay / word count, and more on the avoidance of errors in your presentation. You have written too many words for this essay (332 words), which means you did not leave yourself enough time to review, revise the errors, and edit the content for clarity. You have clearly made several errors in the LR, GRA, and C&C sections of the scoring rubic. These errors, along with the improperly presented opening and concluding statements will prevent this essay from achieving a higher score.

This is only a 4 paragraph essay. You only need to provide one explanation of the public point of view, then another paragraph for your personal opinion. That is done over 4 paragraphs. Only a 2 public point of view + personal opinion essay requires you to present a 5 paragraph essay.

Use 1 reason for each paragraph that you can strongly discuss. Do not over discuss the essay as you did here. That will not serve a purpose. It only allows you to make more errors in your presentation. Until you train yourself to review your work prior to submission, you will not be able to avoid making these correctable errors. You must practice proof-reading your work so that you can score better, having revised the essay to avoid obvious scoring errors.

There are several times in the presentation when you started the sentences with conjunctions. Do not make this a practice because that is a GRA error. You should never start a sentence with a connecting word as there is no thought to connect since what precedes the sentence is a period. That punctuation mark indicates the end of a sentence statement. If you want to use a conjunction, then use a comma to connect the sentences. However, you should not use a comma to connect 2 unrelated thought sentences. All sentences using a comma and conjunction must clearly have a discussion reason relationship.
OP anmolpreetsingh1 1 / 2  
Oct 5, 2020   #3
@Holt
Thank you very much, sir, for giving your precious time to my essay. I really appreciate your helpful response.


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