Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9


'telephones rank first and television second' - what have a bigger impact in people's life?


aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 4, 2013   #1
Do you agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life?

During the twentieth century, there are great deals of invents, such as telephone and television, making profound impacts throughout our lives. Recently, there is certain magazine which has conducted a survey to elect which invent plays a most effective role in people's lives. As a result, telephones rank first, which televisions are second to. As far as I'm concerned, whereas, they play equally effective roles in our lives.

To begin with, thanks to the arrival of telephone, contacting people throughout the world has become feasible and convenient. Furthermore according to an authoritative report, mostly people would get attack by anxiety devoid of telephones. So the influence brought by telephones is notable and cannot be exaggerated more. In Qing dynasty, for instance, if the king wanted to tell a minister in a remote province about certain significant word, he had to send a person with a letter from Beijing to a place several thousand kilometers from the Forbidden City, which would require several months plus was nice and arduous. Besides, the letter might be lost to a large extent. Currently, however, we can inform people of word just via making a telephone call. Therefore, the influence of telephone has not been minimal.

As there is no coin just one side, television owns its merits, such as countless information's spreading. As a result, we are capable to obtain what is happening over the world with vivid screen and are undergoing the era of information explosion, which is the advantage belonging to television only. During the period of the 2012 London Olympic Game, for example, I along with my grandma watched the opening ceremony through television. My grandma told me when she was a little girl, watching such ceremony was far from imaginable. Nowadays owning to the great creation, television, the unimaginable has been turned to the imaginable. Thus, On this level, I assert that television has had a much greater impact on people's lives.

To sum up, it is inadequate to simply say that the telephone has had a greater influence on people's lives than the television because both have some outstanding functions that cannot be overtaken by the other. Consequently, I subscribe to the opinion that the two objects have both had a significant bearing on people's lives.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Oct 4, 2013   #2
During the twentieth century, there are great deals of invents,inventions, such as telephone and television, making profound impacts throughouton our lives.

...
invent - verb , invention - noun

Recently, there is certain magazine which has conducted a survey to elect which inventinvention plays a most effective role in people's lives.

... here you are supposed to introduce the argument (your prompt). You are not required to justify one of those sides. Tell the reader what the argument is and doing so you need to tell the two sides of the argument. Then state your opinion. You don't have to give proof for your opinion in the introduction.
OP aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 4, 2013   #3
thx your advice
what about to change the introduction into such

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue that whether a telephone plays a more effective role than television or not. Some people assert that with the technology improvement a telephone can be more effective than television; whereas not everyone shares the same viewpoint, someone deem that a television contributes more to people's lives than a telephone.As far as I am concerned, all opinions above are incomplete and telephones as well as televisions play equally effective roles in our lives.

what's more how about the body part.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 4, 2013   #4
I think you need to employ a more logical structure for the introduction.
OP aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 4, 2013   #5
thx dumi for your advice
how are about my body part and the conclusion.
and can you give me an example such like this essay on definition of the question and expressing importance of the question
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 4, 2013   #6
Sure dear :)
Ok, let's take this topic -

Do you agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life?

With rapid technological advancement, there were many devices that became almost a part of our lives. Among them telephone and television take very prominent positions ; this is your hook - See it's relevant to your topic.

While some people believe that telephones play a more effective role in our lives than television , others do not agree with this view. ... Background - Tell your argument and why it is important to discuss this issue

However, I believe they are both equally important devices to lead our lives comfortably. ------- Opinion - Conclude the introduction with a statement that clearly expresses your opinion.

Hope this helps!
OP aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 4, 2013   #7
thank you so much
how are about my proving part and can you give me some advice pls
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 4, 2013   #8
how are about my body part and the conclusion.
and can you give me an example such like this essay on definition of the question and expressing importance of the question

Hey... I missed out the point that you intended to get my feedback on body paras and conclusion... sorry about that ....so many threads and that confuse me at times :D

To begin with, thanks to the arrival of telephone, contacting people throughout the world has become feasible and convenient. Furthermore according to an authoritative report, mostly people would get attack by anxiety devoid of telephones. So the influence brought by telephones is notable and cannot be exaggerated more.

This is completely out of topic. You need to tackle the issue of comparison that telephones are better than television or vice verse. If you agree, give reasons for why agreeing and then back them with examples.
OP aster0224 4 / 11  
Oct 5, 2013   #9
thank you so much dumi


Home / Writing Feedback / 'telephones rank first and television second' - what have a bigger impact in people's life?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳