Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?
The greatest path to obtain popularity nowadays is through the television. Furthermore there is one program such talent audition in which it support someone to enhance his natural ability. However, these are convinced as a best method to figure out the skill ability of people or otherwise just a part of entertain the audience. I believe that this program virtually printed an eligible chosen people because of pretty tight selection, but it also can give society a satisfaction like moral support.
To begin with, the appearance of search talent simply ensure the best result because the process literally involve pretty tight method of selection. Starting from the criteria of judge election, at least they have had professional background. Consequently, they have high standard for choosing the best candidate. Besides that, this program also might be helpful people who have capacity in one field to evidence their ability in public. For this reason, they definitely will force themselves in order to show their maximum appearance.
However, this program, in fact has big intention from the society as people who register that obviously has remarkable expertise and it is certainly unique to watch. In addition, one reason which cause the program also really attractive to be followed because it has suggested the audience to determine the winner, while every person has different idol. Regard as this reason, the existence of that program still be kept because it makes the individuals attracted.
All in all, I think program which related to look for people's skill is the worth way to filter the best one because that program has already decided proper standardization. Although, it is inevitable that it also gives some improvisation so as to engage the audience to be more active.
Rahmat, your opinion of the prompt is not clear at all in your introduction. The way that you structured the paragraph was really confusing and did not even restate the prompt in the proper manner. You do know points are deducted for comprehension skills right ? That is tested through the way that you tell the examiner what you understood of the prompt. Right now, your understanding of the prompt is not understandable at all.
When you wrote this essay, you should have kept in mind that the prompt was asking you to explain if you believed that the talent shows actually found talented people or it was just for entertainment. I am not sure but it reads to me like you believed the show is all for entertainment? Like I said, you really need to revise the essay in order to clearly present your opinion of the prompt. That is why the prompt offered you choices to choose from. However, you failed to properly choose one side for discussion in this essay.
Your essay floundered from beginning to end. It did not properly respond to the prompt at all in my opinion and instead just kept on discussing how the show is all about appearances. I could have accepted that line of discussion throughout the essay if you had only made a choice between the show really helping to find actual talent, or just being on the air for entertainment.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 The greatest path to [...]
... satisfaction like moral support.
As I read, this is very good attempt. Yet, the paragraphs contains lots of BIG words and uncommon English expression. And as a result, some sentences interrupt the flow. I suggest rewriting this with a simple way. A closer look at my sample;
Today's TV programs focus too much on talent shows. As such, the proliferation of people watching the shows has grown in widespread popularity. It is believed that the best way to make people famous is to conduct such shows, while others argue that it is no more than just an entertainment program. Therefore, I would agree that the main objective of the shows is to entertain the viewers.
All in all, I think program [...]
... audience to be more active.
Since I have some changes in the opening paragraph, it is necessary to show you how to keep your conclusion succinctly and to the point. Here is my sample:
In conclusion, although the benefit of TV programs, particularly talent shows, helps people become famous, some still feel that such shows merely offer popular entertainment programs. However, as long as people keep in mind the main purpose of such shows, there do seem to be that we all are not being addicted.
