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Televised talent shows is not only to entertain


Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Mar 22, 2014   #1
Is talent shows a good method of finding talented people or just an entertainment?

Worldwide attention goes into TV talent shows. For some people, this is a good way to find star quality. For some others, this is for the purpose of entertainment. Both views have strong arguments. However, I believe this is a design to please the talented people starting their career.

This show selects the contestants in almost all big cities in Indonesia freely. The zero charge of selection registration allows as many people as possible to take a part. It cannot be doubted that the more people joining this selection, the bigger the chance to find those best. Furthermore, this selection is opened to all people without limiting on their social and economy status. This competition is not only joined by high economy class singer, but also by many singing beggars. Veri AFI, a young man who comes from an impoverished family, previously spent his time to sing around traffic lamp to earn money, but nowadays he has become a great start. In addition, the involvement of experienced jurists in this process maintains the reliability of the assessment and bolsters the excellence of input.

After selected, those finalists are trained to be the professional ones. To produce a high quality output, they are facilitated with many great trainers, sophisticated training tools and even luxurious homestay. Then, every week, the learning progress is examined through a fantastic show which is broadcasted by a television station. Not only jurists but also the watchers involve in the rating process. To intensify the training, jurists eliminate the lowest rated contestant every week. Citra Idol who was successful to keep going until the last show in Indonesian Idol has already made a good own career as famous singer after finishing their contract with particular TV station.

From this long process, the entertainment aspect is only visible in the show step. So, it is hardly to judge that this event emphasizes not in recruitment process. To conclude, it proves illusory that talented show is more entertaining rather than finding out talented people.

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 22, 2014   #2
Hi, I think better you add what kind of writing you made and add in the tittle. It makes other reviewer easier to give you advices.
OP Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Mar 22, 2014   #3
This is IELTS writing task 2...

sorry for not putting it in the first part
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 22, 2014   #4
While you deal with IELTS and I am also studying IELTS let me share
your intro

To me personally, adding the blue words inside the intro would be better.

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today.Are these shows a good method of finding talented people , or are they just entertainment ?
andial 21 / 48 3  
Mar 22, 2014   #5
Hi Misna..

Thereare much knowledge about singing techniques that can be got from singing

.

knowledge is uncountable noun, the form is always singular. SUGGESTION : There is much knowledge

As this show makes a pitch for its participants by organizing selection in almost all big cities in Indonesia by evolving experienced juries

even though the sentence above is grammaticaly correct, it seems like not friendly on the eyes' reader. I do not exactly if it is redundant or not but you may rewrite a better sentence.

Besides, the other kinds of talented shows also confer many educated things to the people.

In my personal point of view, it is better to avoid using general expressions that lack precission. (thing)

cheers,

Andial
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 23, 2014   #6
Talent show often reaches the top rating viewers in television as it has become very popular for many societies recently.

You need to improve a lot on grammar and clarity of your ideas.
Talent shows often rated as having the highest number of viewers among the Television programs due to its great popularity in recent years.

This fact has led many people to think that there has been a degradation of its main objective to find out a talented person.

Now you need to introduce the background of the issue.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 30, 2014   #7
This is good, but a few details it takes:

high economy class singer, but also by many singing beggars

the phrases you use are not easy to understand. Perhaps the portmanteau word is inappropriate.

Veri AFI, a young man who comes from animpoverished family, previously spent his time to sing around traffic lamp to earn money, but nowadays he has become a great start

Look at the whole idea. The one who stands in impoverished life is not the family, but that guy. Hence, an impoverished man is the right phrase, I feel.

It cannot be doubted that the more people joining this selection, the bigger the chance to find those best.

The sentence makes no sense. Perhaps, dealing with the dissociate grammar from context.

famous singer

A famous singe or famous singerS . Problems with singular-plural nouns
I didn't see you discuss the topic:

a good way to find star quality and just an entertainment

more closely.

A short note: Read as many IELTS writings and authentic texts as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.

Hope this helps :D
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 31, 2014   #8
helow friend
in the first body para

This show selects the contestants in almost all big cities in Indonesia freely

you answer this prompt

shows a good method of finding talented people

then you elaborate in the second body para

After selected, those finalists are trained to be the professional ones.

Can say that you made a descriptive essay?. Then you answer this part of promt

entertainment?

in the conclusion

the entertainment aspect is only visible in the show step

talented show is more entertaining rather than finding out talented people.

.

I am going to suggest you to make a discussion about talent show is just entertaining in the second body paragraph in order to answer the prompt. Then IELTS require us, as IELTS takers, to make a discursive essay.

Overall, you write good structures, actually I am envious while I need to understand more about English structure. Cheers :D
OP Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Apr 1, 2014   #9
Honestly I find my self too confused in developing my idea to support my view.
As the question stated "Is talent shows a good method of fi...", I arrange my reason in descriptive form, underline on its process and analyze how it could be stated as the best "method".

However, I do need your feedback.


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