TOEFL
Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark （out of 30）.
Thanks so much.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of technology in society, which leads to the pravailing of television in people's home. While television makes a positive effect on everybody's entertainment, it is difficult to deny that TV advertising is adverse to young children, for the sake of redundant information, misleading effects and premature phenomenon.
First of all, television advertising are poured into children's life which is virtually harmful for the growth. It is reported by the researchers that the merchant need to repeat the same ad continuously for many times in the period of seven weeks, so that it can be remembered by people. Watching this kind of advertisement is no doubt a waste of time and those redundant information does not make any sense.
Second, advertising is misleading sometimes because of celebrities or wrong information. For example, a pair of sneaker repesented by a champion runner will leave an impression of being easily used and high-qualified, even though it is not good at speed. Take another instance: a yogurt ad may claim that it does not contain any fat in the beverage, however,they are trying to obscure the fact that the drink was abundant in sugar, which is also harmful to humans.
Last but not least, it is likely to show some violent plots or sextual indications in advertisements to appeal their consumers, especially under the heavy pressure of competition. The images can facilitate children to be premature and distort their innocent minds.
To conclude, I believe that young children should not be exposed to overflowing advertisements in order to protect them from dangers of redundant information, misleading knowledge and prematurity.
Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark （out of 30）.
Thanks so much.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of technology in society, which leads to the pravailing of television in people's home. While television makes a positive effect on everybody's entertainment, it is difficult to deny that TV advertising is adverse to young children, for the sake of redundant information, misleading effects and premature phenomenon.
First of all, television advertising are poured into children's life which is virtually harmful for the growth. It is reported by the researchers that the merchant need to repeat the same ad continuously for many times in the period of seven weeks, so that it can be remembered by people. Watching this kind of advertisement is no doubt a waste of time and those redundant information does not make any sense.
Second, advertising is misleading sometimes because of celebrities or wrong information. For example, a pair of sneaker repesented by a champion runner will leave an impression of being easily used and high-qualified, even though it is not good at speed. Take another instance: a yogurt ad may claim that it does not contain any fat in the beverage, however,they are trying to obscure the fact that the drink was abundant in sugar, which is also harmful to humans.
Last but not least, it is likely to show some violent plots or sextual indications in advertisements to appeal their consumers, especially under the heavy pressure of competition. The images can facilitate children to be premature and distort their innocent minds.
To conclude, I believe that young children should not be exposed to overflowing advertisements in order to protect them from dangers of redundant information, misleading knowledge and prematurity.