Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Television damaged our interactions and made us disconnect from each other for several reasons.



last 3 / 5  
Dec 18, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Communication is an essential part of human beings' daily life, we interact to talk everyday with eachother in different ways for various purposes. Some people think that television ruined our daily communications, whereas others may argue for the opposite. As far as I'm concerned, television has destroyed our interactions and made us disconnect from eachother for several reasons.

First, after the advent of television series and movies, family members started to have less interaction between each other. Before, when there was no T.V, members of the family would gather more often and used to share stories and interact with eachother. For instance, my grandfather once told me about how they used to play table games together before T.V. "Now everybody is busy watching T.V", he said.

Second, youth don't pass time with each other that much anymore. When there was no T.V, youth used to go outside to together a lot to chat about their ambitions and dreams. Nowdays, things have changed a lot, as there are countless T.V shows and movie series which distract the youth from socializing and meeting. Some people may argue that television shows became a need in the lives of some youth.

Third, When there was no television, people were more productive than they are today. In my hometown, people used to gather a lot in order to decide what volountary work they want to do to help those in need. Now, this gathering is not done anymore because many people are busy watching television.

In summary, some people may not agree with me, but from what i have heared and seen, communication and interaction between friends and relatives has been demolished from our society after television. There are various examples of that, starting from fewer family gathering to a larger scale of fewer community gatherings and meetings. This issue will be hopefully solved if we work together to make stronger ties and relationships between all of us.

I'm really interested to know how much in your opinion this essay would get in a scale from 0 to 5 if it was written in the toefl test. Your opinions are important :)

dumi 1 / 6793  
Dec 19, 2013   #2
Communication is an essential part of human beings' daily life, we interact to talk everyday with eachothereach other in different ways for various purposes.

.... You should have stopped with the first part because that makes lots of sense. The second part is somewhat weak :(

Some people think that television ruined our daily communications, whereas others may argue for the opposite.

... your prompt speaks of only one side of the argument and it asks whether you agree with that.
Some people view that television has disturbed our personal communication and disturbed the relationships that we have with friends and family.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Dec 19, 2013   #3
Before, when there was no T.V, members of the family would gather more often and used to share stories and interact with eachother.

Before the TV was introduced, the family members had better interactions and more private time for the family in which they used to spend time together.

Second, youth don't pass time with each other that much anymore.

This reason is almost the same as the previous one. It's better to have a different reason in the second body paragraph.

Third, When there was no television, people were more productive than they are today.

.... This is very true, however, this reason is out of scope. Your topic is about how TV affects communication between people and not about how it affects people's productivity. Your writing should be aligned with your topic always.


Home / Writing Feedback / Television damaged our interactions and made us disconnect from each other for several reasons.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳