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Top Honeymoon Destinations - the information of eight popular places for new British couples


debby17 8 / 20 5  
Oct 2, 2016   #1
This bar chart elaborates the information of eight popular places for new British couples to spend their honeymoon in 2010. Around 5000 couples participated this survey.

Overall, there were two destinations which were chosen by over half of participants in the survey. While the other half were shared together by the other six places.

First of all, just over one quarter of couples chose to be in Thailand and Bali with 1410 and 1335 respectively. Followed in the third place by Costa Rica with 750 couples, making it slightly more popular than The Maldives with 600 couples. The Greek Island was on the next list which attracted about 432 couples. In the next place, followed by 209 couples who flied to Paris. Finally, Spain and The Lake District were the two less popular destination among all which just considered by 140 couples and 124 couples in turn to be their places for honeymoon.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 2, 2016   #2
Hi debby,

This bar chart

what bar chart? You are suggested to upload picture/diagram/chart for IELTS task 1 practice. Do not make the same mistake for the next one. In addition, I also think that you need to give at least one space for each paragraph so the reader can easily read and check your essay.

However, I would still want to help you by giving some feedback for your essay.

1st paragraph:
- This bar chart elaboratesdescribes/depicts the information ofabout eight popular places for newlyweds British couples to spend ...
Around 5000 couples had participated in this survey.
- ... were chosen by over half of the participants in the survey. Whilewhile the other... (While is a connector. You cannot separate it.)

2nd paragraph:
- ...chose to be in Thailand and Bali with 1410 and 1335 couples respectively.
- It is followed in the third place by Costa Rica...
- In the next place, it is followed by 209 couples who flied to Paris. (avoid making fragment (incomplete sentence))
- ... District were the two less popular destinations among...

Hope this helps :)


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