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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ( TOPIC CRIME )


thhoa 1 / -  
Jun 6, 2024   #1
Question: Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effectve way to deal with the problem of crime. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that putting offenders in prison would not be an effective approach to alleviate the crime rate. Although I agree this could not be considered the best way to solve the problem of crime, I think the citizens could reap certain benefits from it.

On the one hand, criminals should not be kept in prison due to the possibility of commiting crime again which is perhaps driven by the difficulty to get a job in the future. Once the lawbreakers have to spend years of life being captured in prison, they may be discredited about that and face large difficulties reentering the workforce after being released. As a result, there would be a certain relapse since they have no choice but crime to live up on. For instance, countries with harsh punishments for ex-convicts like UK have a higher recidivism rate than other nations which offer them a wider range of career options and educate people about welcoming them.

On the other hand, keeping criminals in prison could alter the situation of crime because it plays a significant role in protecting people from offenders in society. When a person commits an unlawful act, be it a misdemeanor or a felony, there should be punishments or else society would fall into chaos. If prisoners were not longer kept in jail, the world would become a more dangerous places than ever. Furthermore, prisons are not only a physical place that keeps criminals contained to protect innocent people but also a reminder of the consequences of violating the law.

To conclude, I personally believe jails are useful to deal with crime to an extent. However, in order to tackle this issue completely, there would be additional campaigns like education and training for offenders.

Please evaluate my essay and make some comments. I really appreciate that!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
Jun 12, 2024   #2
Oops! You made a mistake in your writer's opinion presentation. Let's compare the original question with your response:

OQ: Do you agree or disagree?
Response: Although I agree this could not be considered the best way to solve the problem of crime, I think the citizens could reap certain benefits from it.

Do you see the problem in your response? You are being asked if you agree or disagree. You said you agree, but then, rather than explaining why you agree, you suddenly reversed your opinion by indicating an unrelated discussion topic. This writing deviation will result in an incorrect task response and as such, receive a failing score for the preliminary TA consideration.

By using an incorrect discussion format, a comparison format where a single opinion discussion was required, you have created an incorrect essay response and as such, will receive a score based upon an unrelated discussion presentation.


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