IELTS TOPIC:crime is a global problem .we can do nothing to prevent it .

crime is a global problem .we can do nothing to prevent it .to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,people wants the peaceful and safe life.however,the fact always fail to satisified.even ,some people dsipoint about this situation .they think wecan not provent the crime to happen.maby these people are have their own reason ,but ,i disagree with them .i believe that crime can be prevent .

those people who lose faith to reality due to the crime showing a upward trendcy.they argue that crime is not a objective practice.it occures someone who decide it by themselves .so,if we make barrier to these practices which includes stealing ,robbery,murder happen ,we should alter their mind .in fact ,it is not easy to cope with this problem.

For someone ,they neglect the important element which is enviroment where can provid us civilization.to some extent ,someone indulge in the internet or tv even some books ,which includes the violent and pornographic contents.and these unhealthy contents give rise to aggressive behaviour.especiaslly the futher generations who lack of self-discipline and self-control,thus,these evil contents mislead them go astray even robing bank or raping.teenagers are so immature and innocent ,they can hardly distinguish the right from the wrong ,which they cannot resist the tempetation of the violent and pornographic contents.so, the circumstance have a important effect to shap one's character and mind.

So, i think parents play a key roles,they can help offsprings distinguish the merits and negtives,as well as afford them a perfect study or work atmosphere.also,make them far away from the unhealthy contents.for goverment is to impose the sensorship make sure the citizens expose to a civilzed circumstance.islate all of things that will misguide people to be a criminal.

All in all, if people adopt effective ways ,it is possible that crime can be stoped.

thoseThe number of people who lose faith toin reality due to the crime showing a upward trendcyincreased dramatically . theyThey argue that crime is not aan objective practice. itItoccuresoccurswhen someone who decidesto do it by themselves . soSo , if we make a barrier to these practices which includes stealing, robbery, and murder happen , we should alter their mind. inIn fact, it is not easy to cope with this problem.

In your original article, the first sentence in this paragraph did not have a verb, which cannot be neglected.
Be careful!

Nowadays, people wants the peaceful and safe lifelives .however,the fact always fail to satisified.even ,some people dsipoint about this situation .they think wecan not proventprevent the crime to happen. maby these people are have their own reason ,but ,i disagree with them .i believe that crime can be prevented .

>> You should invest more to your introduction because the good opening can make a great impression.

but ,i disagree with them .i believe that crime can be prevented

>> When you show your opinion, you have to tell why you have it or the reason for it.

Practise more :D Good luck.